WHEN NOT TO ASK, Becoming An Experienced Carer

IT's always done with the best of intentions. We see someone, we feel a measure of compassion for them. We approach them. We reach out to them. Most people appreciate being asked. But not everyone. Those who have no foreseeable way of ever being 'better' than they are often dread being asked. Sometimes to them, we utter the fateful words and all our good intentions are undone. I've been on both sides of these conversations. Lately, I've been on a side I never thought I'd spend too much time on. Before I explain myself, I need to tell you a weird story. 

When He went ashore He saw a great crowd, and He had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Matthew 14:14

BEFORE I talk about Stephen King’s, The Green Mile, I need to disclose a journey I’ve been on secretly for the past fifteen years or so. Some of us are born with gifts and natural abilities. My journey began because I was frustrated that I wasn’t naturally what I knew I needed to be for the call Christ had on my life. People would tell me that I had a gifts to teach and lead. Many pastors would be content with this. I wasn’t. I began a habit each Sunday morning before I went to church. I didn’t tell anyone. I would go for a walk and pray. I asked God to change my heart, to give me compassion for others, to help me to hear people, to help me to see people, to help me to help people. I prayed to God that people would be healed as they heard the Word preached.                                                                                                                          

And when the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.”
Luke 7:13

After a few years, my heart had been softened toward others in answer to these pleading prayers. There was an embarrassing downside to this answer to my prayers though – and it has nearly jeopardised Kim’s willingness to accompany me to the movies! I now cry easily at anything remotely moving in a movie. Several times on an interstate flight while watching a movie Kim has jabbed me and told me to “Stop it!” The sobbing I thought I am concealing in a very mild manly manner is apparently not that manly or concealed!

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.
First Thessalonians 2:7

This prayer for supernatural compassion has continued all these years later. And here’s where it now gets nearly too weird for Stephen King. I mentioned from the pulpit the other Sunday that as I have been praying that God would help me to be a faithful pastor. But something strange has been happening. I prayed for someone with a ‘kink’ inside their neck causing them headaches. Shortly after this I was diagnosed a kink inside my neck (after an MRI exam) causing me to have headaches. I prayed for someone with painfully irritated tongue. I began to have an irritated tongue. I prayed for someone with what sounded like a bulging spinal disc causing them back-pain and someone else unable to come to church due to their back-pain. I then began to experience excruciating back-pain and was diagnosed by another MRI with two bulging spinal discs. I prayed for someone with an infected toe. Soon after this I walked bare-footed onto my lush lawn to water it and was suddenly bitten on my toe by a ‘Jack Jumper’ (think, ‘Fire Ant‘) which overnight turned into an infected toe. And then I received a prayer request from a dear friend in Missouri, Pastor Ted Heaston, asking me to pray for his left ankle to recover. This week I was discharged from hospital (for the second time in two weeks) with a severely infected left ankle! 

 

On the day that I hear that Pastor Ted is now in the clear with his ankle, I too have just come from my doctor and heard that my infection is now subsiding. There are other examples of this sort of thing, but these samples give you the idea of what’s been happening in my world over the past few months in particular. This has given me a new insight into the world of those who are unwell, injured, in pain, or sick. Armed with this insight, and now having to endure my own chronic conditions which I won’t bore you with, I can tell you there are things you shouldn’t ask a person who is having their own health battles, especially, How are you?

For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
Second Corinthians 5:2-4

EXPERIENCED CARERS LEARN THE LANGUAGE OF CARE

Genuinely caring people can have the best of intentions but be unhelpful in either their comments or questions. On the other side these conversations, I can say that it is nice to know that someone cares when you hurt. One of the reasons a question like, How are you? can hurt so much is that it can show a lack of consideration and thoughtfulness. Similarly, those in pain can also feel a bit exasperated when someone says to them,’You’re looking well. I guess you’re now better.‘ And probably the worst thing to say is, “I know exactly what you’re going through!“

¶ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
Second Corinthians 1:3

People who are not well can get tired answering the question, “So how are you?” (Especially when it should be obvious that they are not well – or worst still, there is some evidence that this is their new reality.) Instead, try this, “Can I get you a cup of tea?” “Would you like me to get you a chair?” “Can I carry that for you?” Experienced carers who have a relationship with the one who is hurting can get away with things like, “How can I best pray for you?” Often times this invites the hurting one to share  what they feel comfortable sharing. The problem with always being asked, “How are you?” is that after a while you feel you’re invalid who just whinges all the time! During one of my recent stints in hospital, I appreciated being asked by nurses and doctors, “Are you in pain at the moment?” Or, “Can I get you something for your pain?” 

As I've said, most people appreciate being asked how they are. But, the next time you meet a grieving parent, a chronically ill person, someone physically disabled, or someone battling depression, you'll now know what to ask and what not to ask. And if you ask me to pray for your rare exotic medical condition, forgive me if I hesitate for a moment before I pray for you, but at least now you'll know why! 

Pastor Andrew

[See also: Comforting Complex Grievers]

Lessons from the move into our new auditorium

From Hear To Hear

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
Second Corinthians 3:18

We move through life. It is a journey. Along the way, we pass people, scenes, experiences, moments. These all become our memories. If we undertake our journey by always looking back to these memories we run the risk of bumping into our present – which can hurt. Life’s journey happens most sweetly when we keep moving forward. We leave the past behind as we walk into our future. While this can be challenging for any individual, it can be particularly difficult for a group of people such as a family, or church to journey together. 

“Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18-19

It can be difficult for a family to move house. Often they are leaving behind fond memories and a place where they have felt secure and comfortable, not to mention great neighbours. As difficult as this is (and our family has done it seven times) imagine moving home to another country! (We have several families in our church who have made this difficult transition.) Not only do they have to contend with a new house in a new location, they have all of the challenges of being without extended family networks, or even the benefit of long-term friendship connections. Churches also have to journey which similarly involves leaving some things behind – pastors, worship styles, and even buildings. 

Our church is about to undertake the next step in our journey. It involves saying ‘goodbye’ to our old sanctuary as we leave it for our new one. Kim and I helped to build our existing auditorium (which we opened on August 31st 1996). Twenty-one years later, we are now less than four weeks away from the Grand Opening of our new auditorium.

For me, this means leaving behind the place where I have baptised several hundred people, married many couples, dedicated many babies to the Lord, preached several thousand sermons, counselled hundreds of people, and seen many more people finding saving hope in Christ. I’m sure that there will be many others who could also share fond memories associated with our old auditorium. Even though our new building has been constructed quickly, the move from our old auditorium into our new one has been a careful, considered, and collaborative one. Every step of our journey – from the need, through each stage of the development, has been transparent, explained and exciting. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to Geoff Hill for the brilliant oversight of this project. He has sacrifices his time, sleep, and energy to make this happen. Along with Geoff, several other tradesmen have given of their time and skills to help us on our journey. 

One of the things we have said regularly through this building project is that it has never been about the building. One of the things that we have improved over the last couple of years is our ability to hear. We hear the heart-ache of people. We hear the struggles of those in relationship breakdowns are experiencing. We hear the confusion of young people. We hear the tears of the elderly. We hear the cries of the lonely. Everyone wants to be heard. It validates them. It tells them we care. It helps them to know that we aren’t here to merely preach at them – we are genuinely interested in them and how we can help them. This has led to our church building a reputation as a safe church – a church that cares.  

¶ I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Ephesians 4:1-2

As we transition into our new auditorium, we will be gathering in a building made from ‘rubbish’ wood which has been selected, shaped, and glued together (“LVL” – laminated veneer lumber). This is a picture of our church which is made up of broken people who have been selected by God, shaped by God, and joined together in Christ. It is a building which is nearly three times the size of our old auditorium. This too is indicative of what God has done in and among us over the past few years. It will be a building with a lot of glass. This should remind us that we are transparent and invite people to look in all the while remembering that we are called to reach out to those outside.

¶ And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,
Colossians 1:9

But most importantly as we transition from the old to the new, let us continue to hear. May we hear one another. May we hear the broken, hurting, lonely, and confused – and may we especially hear God, who always hears us. I will always be reminded of this because of what my American friend Pastor Dan Miller requested. He apologised for not being able to attend our Grand Opening. On Facebook he wrote on my wall asking for a favour. He requested that I write “Ephesians 3:20-21” underneath the place where the Word will be preached each Sunday in our new building. Today, I honoured his request.

¶ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

Amen!

Pastor Andrew

FORGIVEN, CLEANSED, AND FREED

First John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Have you neglected to ask God for forgiveness? Have you been slow to seek cleansing before God? (2Cor. 7:1) Is your heart soft toward God? (1Peter 3:8) Does your soul burn with devotion for Christ? Are you struggling to be excited about the things that God has created you to be excited about - His glory, His heart for the lost, His church for you, His Word, His presence? Have the things of this world dulled your affection for worshiping Jesus? Do you have a "a need to perform" mentality when it comes to feeling accepted by God and others?

Today I preached at a regular monthly speaking engagement I have had each month for the past fourteen years. It has been rare that each month all the members of this small monthly congregation are together again for a time of hymn singing worship and my preaching. And every time I preach there I am very mindful that these dear precious senior men and women may not make it to our next monthly service. I preach with the burning thought that any of these people could rehearse any of my sermonic sentiments as they draw their final breath and experience their final heart beat. It's in these moments that I want my monthly congregation to recall that being forgiven by God, cleansed by God and freed from hurt/guilt/shame/regret is theirs for the asking because of the wonderful, glorious, grace of God.

When we too are on our bed of transition from this life to the next, I hope that we can lie there with the knowledge that we have asked for and received from God forgiveness, cleansing, tenderness of heart, and passion for His glory and cause. I hope that today we will do busines afresh with God. Not the kind of business where we can offer God anything in exchange for anything from Him. But the kind of business where we accept and seek all that Christ has infinitely worked for us.

The unbelievable message of Christianity is you can have peace with God through no effort of your own! Oops, did I say "unbelievable"? Sorry. I meant "truly unbelievable". This is because when God saves us, He does by His grace, and with that grace comes faith (trust and belief in God) and God's love-

1Tim. 1:14 and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

This means, that even the faith to believe in God is a gift!

Eph. 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

We are made "right" with God through no effort of our own. It is the grace of God that establishes our relationship with God, But it is the grace of God that enables us to maintain our fellowship with God. None of us know when our last breath or heart-beat will be. It may be tonight. I pray that before that time we will each fully surrender afresh to Almighty God and dedicate ourselves to making Him more glorious before our world.

Amen.

The Dignity of Euthanasia

No one likes to suffer. But even more so, no caring person likes to see another person, especially a loved one, suffer. This is especially the case when it comes to how we feel about the terminally ill trying to endure intolerable pain. Some people propose that the kindest thing we can do for a person in this condition is at least what we would do for any animal- put them out of their undignified misery (read: euthanasia). It is perhaps this motivation that has led Mr Nick McKim to introduce a Private Members Bill, Dying With Dignity 2009. (A copy of the Dying With Dignity 2009 Bill can be found here.) But there is another way of looking at this problem. Rather than thinking that euthanasia is the solution, it may exacerbate a whole set of other even worse problems.

Here's some of the main points that I think that we need to be aware of and why we should play a role affecting the outcome of this Bill.

• Human life is uniquely valuable, or rather: humans are uniquely invaluable.



• Euthanasia is the taking of a human life. It is therefore (i) Assisted suicide; or (ii) Unjustified Homicide.



• Euthanasia is therefore a violation of the 6th Commandment and an obscene mockery of God's image uniquely borne by human beings (Genesis 9:6).



• We do not consider a terminally ill patient's refusal to accept life-saving treatment as Euthanasia.



• The unrelenting physical pain of the terminally ill is an opportunity for, and more often than not a display of, dying with great dignity.



• Death beds often bring great healing to fractured families.



• People who are religious, and especially Christians, have long held that suffering is not meaningless or without purpose, and that it has the potential for great good to result. The epitome of this is the Cross of Christ where from one man's intense suffering the availability of salvation to the entire world as a result.



• This Bill proposed by The Tasmanian Greens' Leader presupposes the following-
  (i) There is no meaning or purpose in the suffering of the terminally ill;
  (ii) That Frederick Nietzsche was correct when he taught that a human-being is just the sum of their chemical elements and that after their death there is no other form of existence for them. Therefore, there is no moral dilemma in ending a person's life since, according to the "Nietzsche's Naturalism" there is no spiritual realm where such moral choices will be judged;
  (iii) That a person who wants to die has the right to do so in a manner of their choosing;
  (iv) Governments have no right to stand in the way of a person who wants to take their life;
  (v) Justification for Euthanasia may include psychological or emotional "pain". (Suicide is not the solution to this type of pain!);
  

* Allowing this Bill to be passed would send a desperately sad message to those providing palliative care for the terminally ill; those involved in suicide-prevention among vulnerable teens; the elderly who feel pressured to stop being such 'a burden' to those around them.

ACTION REQUIRED-
1. We require as many thoughtful and considered submissions to be made as possible. The Parliament has set up an Inquiry which has quietly called for submissions by July 31st 2009.These submissions can incorporate an elaboration of any of the above points but would be enhanced by personal accounts (which pastors perhaps more than many in society should be able to provide) of people close to us who have died with dignity.

Written submissions to the Committee should be addressed to the Secretary, Joint Standing Committee on Community Development, Parliament House, Hobart, 7000, and forwarded prior to the close of business on Friday, 31 July 2009. Hon Kerry Finch MLC (CHAIRMAN). The Committee encourages the lodgement of submissions in electronic form. Emailed submissions must include name, phone number and postal address. Guidelines for witnesses and the preparation of a submission are available here or by contacting the Secretary – Ph: (03) 6233 2248 – Fax: (03) 6233 8103 –Email.

2. Attend the upcoming Pastors and Church Leaders' Briefing Sessions-
Hobart: St David's Cathedral, Bishop John Harrower's office
Thursday July 9th, 9:00AM - 10:30AM
Speakers: Rev. Dean Richard Humphrey, Mr Nick Overton and Dr. Andrew Corbett

Launceston: Legana Christian Church, Bridgenorth Road
Tuesday July 14th, 8AM for a complimentary cooked breakfast.
Speakers: Mr Nick Overton, Bishop Ross Nicholson, Dr. Andrew Corbett

--An Information Pack will be provided to all attendees. RSVP for either events to Nick Overton

I hope to see you at these briefings, and I hope you can make a submission as well.