THINGS THAT CHRISTIANS CAN'T TALK ABOUT, Part 2 - DEPRESSION

 THINGS THAT CHRISTIANS CAN'T TALK ABOUT, Part 2 - DEPRESSION

All of us feel sad at some point – even people who are usually happy most of the time will have moments of sadness. Usually for most people there will be some understandable cause of it. This might include the loss of a loved one, a certain disappointment, an accident, or sympathy for friend or family member’s struggles. This kind of sadness is temporary. Yet there is a kind of sadness that lingers for weeks or months which leaves a person physically drained, perhaps teary, thinking dark thoughts, feeling desperately lonely and debilitated. This is usually when clinicians consider someone is experiencing ‘depression’ and it is one of those things that Christians find difficult to admit to or even talk about. Perhaps this is because Christians are supposed to be filled with the joy of the Lord, and able to cast all their anxieties onto the Lord, and therefore, presumably, be immune from such depression. But two facts make this untrue. Firstly, even many of the heroes in the Bible seem to have experienced some form of depression at least for a moment; and secondly, we each probably know of a godly follower of Christ who has done everything right yet still experiences recurring seasons of depression. I consider this topic to be one of the main things that Christians can’t talk about and probably should, and to this end I have some wisdom to offer in how we should go about it.

¶ Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation  and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember You
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
¶ Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 42:5-6, 11

ABOUT DEPRESSION

Depression is not a ‘one size fits all’. It effects people differently. Some experience a lack of appetite while others experience an abnormal increase in appetite. Some experience continual suicidal thoughts, while many do not. Some are easily brought to tears, while others experience repeated bouts of anger. Some experience a heightened sense of anxiety while others are able to remain functional in their jobs and responsibilities.

Depression often universally results in prolonged negative, dark, unhealthy thoughts; and, social withdrawal. It frequently leaves a person feeling lonely (or alone), as if no-one cares, and a loss of motivation. However, depression can be treated so that its symptoms are dramatically lessened and even eradicated through either through: medication, counselling, prayer, a change of diet, and regular physical exercise, – or a combination of these. I list several therapeutic remedies other than pharmaceuticals because, while I have good reason to believe that there is some benefit that can be attained from prescribed anti-depressant medication (largely due to my own interactions with those who have greatly benefited from taking it, and also my interactions with the many doctors who have have reported to me the health benefits from their patients who have also taken such medication). But I suspect that many people now look exclusively to pharmaceuticals to solve their health problems. I must admit, over the past few years my cynicism about multi-national pharmaceutical companies’ motives for wanting people to think this way has only magnified. This is why I appreciate those medical doctors who take a holistic approach to helping their patients overcome their depression rather than just prescribing a life-long course of antidepressant pharmaceuticals.

 

BIBLICAL HEROES WITH DEPRESSION

One of the most startling examples of a man of God who had been used mightily by God, yet experienced a season of depression was the prophet Elijah. He lived in Northern Israel after the civil war which saw the ten tribes of Israel to the north of Jerusalem separate from the two southern tribes appoint their own king and establish their own Kingdom (to be known as ‘Ephraim’ or ‘Israel’) distinct from the Kingdom in the line of David and Solomon in the South (which became known as ‘Judah’). In First Kings 18 Elijah challenged the 450 prophets of Ba’al to a duel to see who was the true GOD. The context involved offering a slain bullock on an altar of wood and see which god or GOD would respond with fire to accept the burnt offering. The 450 prophets of Ba’al, despite their incantations, their enchantments, their spells (1Kings 18:26), and then finally the shedding of their own blood through cutting and lancing (1Kings 18:28), did not answer them or consume the sacrificial offering with fire. Elijah then offered them some unhelpful advice – 

And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying,
“Cry aloud, for he is a god.
Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself,
or he is on a journey,
or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”
First Kings 18:27

 After these false prophets had finished and conceded that they (and their god, Ba’al) had failed, Elijah then asked for the sacrificed bullock and the altar of wood to be saturated in water twice over. Then Elijah cried out a short but profound prayer –

¶ And at the time of the offering of the oblation,
Elijah the prophet came near and said,
“O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel,
let it be known this day that you are God in Israel, and that I am your servant,
and that I have done all these things at your word.
Answer me, O LORD, answer me,
that this people may know that you, O LORD, are God,
and that you have turned their hearts back.”
First Kings 18:36-37

What happened next would have impressed Steven Spielberg (1Kings 18:38)!

I suspect that there would have been a large component of dehydration, malnutrition, and exhaustion, in what happened next to Elijah. He heard that the wicked queen Jezebel who worshiped Ba’al had ordered that Elijah be executed (1Kings 19:1-2). In fear for his life, Elijah fled to the Southern Kingdom to hide from Jezebel’s assassins (1 Kings 19:3). In the pit of despondency Elijah prayed that he might die (1Kings 19:4). And what we see next is that GOD began to address the cause of Elijah’s depression (not just his symptoms).

1. God gave Elijah sleep (1 Kings 19:5a).
2. God gave Elijah company (an angel, 1 Kings 19:5b).
3. God gave Elijah gave Elijah food and water (via the angel, 1 Kings 19:6).
4. God reestablished Elijah’s mission and gave him something constructive to do which involved him interacting with people are realising that his negative assessment of the situation was wrong (1 Kings 19:7, 15-18).  

Elijah is one example of many others recorded in the pages of Scripture who also experienced depression and who experienced almost exactly the same response from God (examples include Jeremiah, and Paul the Apostle).

 

BIBLICAL INSIGHTS FOR IMPROVING MENTAL HEALTH

I am not being naively simplistic about the remedy for depression. (Being simplistic with someone who is battling each of these topics that Christians can’t talk about is a large contributor to why some Christians are reluctant to talk about these issues!) But I see something in the opening chapters of Genesis that I find extremely helpful in managing moods and mental health. Sometimes you have to a little closer at something to realise what you’re actually looking at!

¶ And they heard the sound of the LORD God
walking in the garden in the cool of the day,
and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God
among the trees of the garden.
Genesis 3:8

Firstly, From this verse in the opening chapters of the Bible we see that God had created a paradisiacal environment for mankind to enjoy. (Mankind was not created to live apart from nature (gardens and wildlife). If all you ever see throughout your day is a screen, concrete and steel, your soul is being malnourished which then depletes our mental health!)

Secondly, mankind’s world was one in which they enjoyed a regular interaction with God. (Mankind was not created or designed to live without a vital communion with our Maker. Our prayerful interaction with God is nourishing for our soul.)

Thirdly, it appears that Man and GOD regularly walked together as they spoke with each other. There was a physical manifestation of God which enabled the first man and woman to “hear the sound of the LORD walking in the garden”. The simple act of walking and talking with God as you do is a spiritually replenishing activity. (Mankind was created to take a long daily stroll with God). Even several generations after Adam this was something that Enoch practised (Gen 5:22, 24) and benefited greatly from doing it.

Fourthly, Mankind were given an extensive fruit tree garden from which they could enjoy fresh, unprocessed whole foods. (Mankind was created and designed to eat a diet consisting largely unprocessed whole-foods. Our high-sugar, high complex-saturated fat, high processed diets have a negative impact not just on our physical health, but also on our mental and emotional health.)

Fifthly, Mankind was meant to live with a clear conscience by obedience to God and His Word. (Mankind was created monarchial, that is, royal. We were created in the Sovereign King of the Universe’s image to co-rule this world as His vice-regents. The serpent and its manipulating master, the Evil One, had nothing to offer our original parents except lies. Yet they willingly chose to reject the Truth and accept an outlandish lie. Today, the Evil One and his minions continue to dupe God’s Image bearers with malicious lies. Accepting these lies can only lead to poor mental health. This is why being grounded daily in the truth found in God’s Word is therapeutic for our souls and nourishing for our mental health.)

 

TALKING ABOUT IT

As with each of these topics, I want to encourage you to talk about these things — but I especially want to encourage you (and hopefully model) how to listen to those who do open up about their struggles. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone in those moments is a listening ear and the knowledge that someone cares enough to take the time to seek to understand what they are going through. And, as I have already stated here, and will repeat in Part 3, we should not offer judgment or simplistic answers. It’s my conviction that there are many lonely people in our church and especially outside of our church who long for someone who might offer them these two gifts of a listening ear, and understanding. I hope you can join me in being one of these gift givers.

Pastor at Large,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

READ PART 3, DIVORCE

COMPLAINING, A STEP BY STEP GUIDE

COMPLAIN YOUR WAY TO A BETTER LIFE

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.” The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?” “Food cold!” the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said “What are your two words?” “Robe dirty!” the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?” “I quit!” said the man. “Well,” the head monk replied, “I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!”

Most of us complain but too few of us complain enough or do it particularly well. Literally hundreds of thousands of lives and thousands of marriages have been ruined but could have been saved if there was more and better complaining! One of the essential skills every person – and especially every leader – must have is the ability to complain. Learning how to do this well could save your life, your marriage, your business, and open up amazing opportunities for you.

One of life’s great injustices is that we often learn its most valuable lessons too late! Many of us can look back over our lives and see how we could have done things so much better if we had only known then what we know now. The Christian band, Mercy Me, capture this sentiment beautifully in their song – Dear Younger Me.

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me, dear younger me

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me, dear younger me

One of the most painful examples of this late-in-life-lessons is the rate of Christians who divorce and remarry. According to Gallop, some 40% of Christian marriages in America are ending in divorce (this of course means that 60% last a life-time). Curiously though, 70% of these divorced Christians who have remarried have coincidentally deepened their spiritual life and consequently their commitment to their local church. Perhaps many of these people would, with a sigh of regret, tell us that during their first marriage they made some big mistakes. Among the biggest, they would say, was that they neglected to put God first in their relationship (Matthew 6:33). It’s easy to do of course. Married life is an adjustment. Then children come along and those things that make for an Acts 2 type of Christianity get put off for a day, then a week, then a month. Prayer, Home Group, Bible reading/study, and attending Church worship become too inconvenient and less of a priority and an all-too obvious indicator of where they are at spiritually. Yet all of this damage could be avoided if someone had complained.

“Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;
I will speak in the anguish of my spirit;
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.”

Job 7:11

WHY SOME COMPLAINTS DON’T WORK

An expert complainer is not necessarily someone who does a lot of complaining (although most expert complainers do a lot of complaining). Rather, an expert complainer is someone who avoids the common mistakes of lower-ranked complainers and has learned how to use positively use complaining to bring about helpful change. Expert complainers complain because they care. Lower-ranked complainers usually complain because they are frustrated, hurt, angry, and want to let others know how upset they are. People rarely listen to lower-ranked complainers. They sound like whiners, whingers, moaners. Whereas a higher-ranked complainer sounds like they are trying to help.

Shortly after I arrived in Tasmania in 1995, our little church grew rather rapidly. You would think that everyone in our church would have been happy about that. But I received a lot of complaints from many (not most and certainly not all) of the 17 members who were in the church when I arrived. One of them took it upon themselves to write a letter to me telling me how arrogant I was, how all I wanted to do was to bring fancy “mainland” ideas to our church, and how everyone in our church was so unhappy with me. It was (un)signed ‘anonymous’. Top-ranked complainers don’t do things like that. They’ve learned that the best complaints happen eye-to-eye.

Kim is a great complainer. The other day as we were hosting our guest from Missouri, Kim and the girls took him into our city to buy some souvenirs. She got into town just after 4PM and went to one of the major souvenir gift shops but the lady had just shut and locked the door. Kim thought this rather strange especially since their closing time was 5:30PM. The lady yelled out from behind the locked glass door that she had to have a restroom break and that there was no one to mind the shop. “Come back in ten minutes” she told Kim and our guest. Kim did. But this time not only was the door still locked now the lights were turned off. Kim knocked at the door and the lady behind the counter yelled back, “We’re closed and I’m just counting up the till so I can’t let you in.” In our attempts to show off our city to our American visitor this small-mindedness was extremely embarrassing for us. The next day Kim went back to complain and the rest is now history.

I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.

Psalm 77:3

If you want to be a better complainer you have to learn to become a better carer. The reason many lower ranked complainers don’t get heard much is because they moan rather than care. They make their complaint more about them and their feelings than the other person and how they can be helped.

COMPLAINERS IN THE BIBLE

We see both types of complainers in the pages of Scripture. The children of Israel complained in a moaning fashion when they came out of Egypt into the Sinai Wilderness.

¶ And the people complained in the hearing of the LORD about their misfortunes, and when the LORD heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the LORD burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp.

Numbers 11:1

But we also read of King David complaining to the Lord in prayer and seeking God’s help for his predicament (Psalm 5). And in the closing book of the Bible, we read of King Jesus declaring His complaints against several churches.

I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.

Revelation 2:3-4

A careful reading of the Lord’s complaints in the second and third chapters of The Revelation will reveal a First Class Complainer – because He cares like none other. His complaints were not mere criticisms. His complaints contained hope, and a positive remedy. Ours can too.

FIVE STEPS TO BECOMING A FIRST CLASS COMPLAINER

STEP 1 – Start to ask for permission from the one you want to complain to before making your complaint.

STEP 2 – Start to make your complaints about the behaviour or action of a person, rather than the person (distinguish the behaviour of the person from the person themselves). Don’t ever say, “The problem with you is … !” Rather say, “When you do this [insert particular behaviour here] it irritates me because …. “

STEP 3 – Be more selective in who you complain to. First Class Complainers don’t complain to everyone, rather they complain to the one who needs to hear it and could make the necessary changes.

STEP 4 – Before you complain, be open to the fact that you just might be mistaken. Therefore, ask some clarifying questions to determine whether you have the whole story and have it correct so that your complaint is at least justified.

STEP 5 – Be prepared to help the one your complaining to. As followers of Christ, this at least means that we pray for this person to be blessed before and after we make our complaint.

Follow these steps and it just might save your marriage, your job, your business, and maybe even your life. When I worked for Kmart we were always taught that our best customer was our complaining customer, because they could help us improve our business, whereas the dissatisfied customer who didn’t complain not only didn’t continue shopping with us, but usually told seven other potential customers to stop shopping with us as well.

THE OTHER SIDE TO COMPLAINING

But what if someone complains about you or to you? A wise person will listen to their critics and treat constructive criticism as a gift.

Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;
reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

Proverbs 9:8

A lot more marriages could be saved if more husbands understood that when their wife complains to them, it has the potential to make them a better husband and give them a better marriage. And perhaps more churches could avoid splits and schisms if everyone put Philippians 2:14-15 into a practice, which would ultimately make our world a better place.

¶ Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.

Philippians 2:14-15

Amen.

Mountain Goat Living

Mountain goats aren't very sociable. Who's ever heard of a flock of mountain goats? No. Mountain goats are rather solitary creatures. I guess they're also rather proud as well. They no doubt think they have good reason to be proud. After all, they can traverse steep terrain like nothing else. They are so sure-footed, they can ascend up a lofty mountain ridge that would almost certainly mean death for even the most experienced mountaineer. Mountain goats must consider themselves the king of their mountain domain. But mountain goats may be solitary, talented, and regally proud, yet even they know something many lesser-qualified humans know...

The high mountains are for the wild goats;

Psa. 104:18a

When a mountain goat is coming up a steep razor's ridge when he confronts another mountain goat coming down the same ridge - his pride tells him "Don't give an inch!" But his mountain-smarts says something else. Acting on his pride would mean certain death for him and his fellow ugly. But doing something that doesn't come naturally, will ensure that he can continue to lay claim to the title: King of the Mountain. He must lie down and let the other goat walk over him. This act more resembles what a dumb sheep would do rather than what a kingly bovid.

There are some situations in life that are like this. We can choose to not give an inch and die as a result. Or, we can lay down our pride and live on. Even the toughest goats must behave like sheep sometimes in order to live.

In describing the Final Day, Jesus said that He would separate sheep from goats. For someone, who all too often acts like a mountain goat, Christ's approbation of sheep on the day the counts like no other is a warning to the like of me that I cannot continue to act like a goat - especially when it comes to how I treat others on life's high ridge moments. I'm sure it's not comfortable to have another goat walk over you, but then I guess it's less comfortable to have six inch nails driven through your naked wrists and ankles as you give up - not just Your back - but Your whole life for undeserving and often ungrateful goats.


The next time you "butt" heads with someone, you might want to remember this little detour into the world of mountain goats.


Ps. Andrew Corbett
3rd February 2012 writing from Legana