HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

 HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

This year we have been laying a foundation for knowing God and then each Sunday building upon it. Throughout June we are focusing on how knowing God enables us to find our joy in Him and consequently to discover that He enables us to find joy in our relationships with others. But sadly, for many people who have vowed to love, serve, and follow Jesus, this has not always been easy to do. This is why the current sub-theme of humility is critically important if someone desires to truly experience joy in each of their various relationships with others. 

 

HOW WE DEFINE JOY AND HOW WE DEFINE HUMILITY:

WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME AT DOING RELATIONSHIPS:

HOW THESE LACKING RELATIONSHIP SKILLS CAN BE CORRECTED:

Over the next few weeks we continue build on the foundation of knowing God which leads to building more joyous relationships with others. If this is something that you want to improve, remember, it begins with humbling yourself.

Amen.

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

WHO DOES THIS 'EPHESIANS' FELLA THINK HE IS!@#%!

It may well still be the best-selling book of all time – and continues year-by-year to be so – but certainly is not the best-read of our current times! If there was ever any doubt about this, the events this week in Hobart, at St. Mary’s (Catholic) College Girl’s School, should remove all doubt! A furore erupted over the news that the prescribed Scripture reading for the year-end graduation celebration, which incorporated a Mass, was “Wives submit to your husbands” taken from Ephesians. Callers into ABC radio’s breakfast program decried this assault against women – especially young, vulnerable girls. One caller, responding to the news that the text being used was a citation from Ephesians, denounced Ephesians and apparently demanded, “Just who does this Ephesians bloke think he is?!” Another caller stated, “Why are they quoting ancient Roman philosophers in the twenty-first century?!” And yet another caller somehow linked all religious wars to passages like this one in the Bible! He remarked, “I’m an atheist. All wars are started by those who are religious! No war was ever started by atheists!” (Perhaps he had never heard of Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Pol Pot, Vladimir Putin, who were collectively responsible for the deaths of over 20,000,000?) This furore led to the Archbishop conceding that the Ephesians passage did not have to be used at the graduation ceremony. But this furore has highlighted just how unaware many Tasmanians are about what the Bible is, what is actually says, and why it says it. And I am now about to correct this deficiency.  

IS THIS REALLY A FURORE ABOUT EPHESIANS?

To say that the Tasmanian Archbishop, Julian Porteous DD, has been in the cross-hairs of those who object to the moral teaching of Christianity might be the biggest understatement you will hear today. He has faced opposition at every turn – from the media, the Anti-Discrimination Tribunal, from unwitting Catholic school-girls (who drew the rainbow flag in chalk on the pavement outside their school as a demonstration against the Archbishop), and from those who salute the rainbow flag. He has faithfully defended what the Bible teaches about: the value of human life; human sexuality and gender; the sacredness of marriage between a husband and wife; and the liberty that everyone has to live out their religious convictions in the public square.

It is my suspicion that the particular text from Ephesians has been used many times previously in many other Catholic School assemblies and even graduations. So why now did it become so objectionable? It might also be my suspicion that this is yet another possible attempt to oppose Archbishop Porteous. To his credit, the Archbishop was quick to diffuse this furore by replacing this particular Scripture reading.

 

SOME INTERESTING AND LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT EPHESIANS

It is apparently a little known fact, at least here in Tasmania, that Ephesians was not a Roman philosopher. It is a similarly little known fact (again in Tasmania) that Ephesians was actually an epistle (a letter) written by the Apostle Paul to the Christians living in the Turkish city of Ephesus. 

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
¶ To the saints [Christians] who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus
Ephesians Chapter 1, Verse 1.

Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians is one of the twenty-seven divinely inspired documents of what is called, The New Testament. When scholars begin to examine a New Testament Epistle they begin by asking, What was the occasion, the reason, for the epistle to have been written. In asking this question of Ephesians scholars point out that a believer’s relationship with Jesus the Christ effected every relationship they had with others.

In Ephesians chapter 1, The Christ has made a relationship with God the Father possible (eg. Eph. 1:3-4).

In Ephesians chapter 2, The Christ has made a relationship with people who are ethnically and culturally different possible  (eg. Eph. 2:12-13).

In Ephesians chapter 3, The Christ has made relationships within a church comprised of other previously unfamiliar Christians possible (eg. Eph. 3:6).

In Ephesians chapter 4, The Christ has made a relationship with those God has placed as leaders within the church possible (eg. Eph. 4:2-4, 12).

In Ephesians chapter 5, The Christ has made a loving and lasting relationship between a husband wife possible (Eph. 5:28).

In Ephesians chapter 6, The Christ enriches the relationship of a parent with child/ren (eg. Eph. 6:1-4).

Hopefully you can see from this quick survey of The Epistle to the Ephesians that it is built around our various relationship and how people can get along and serve others. And just to quell the furore over the one verse in Chapter 5, I would like to conclude by taking a look at its context and then explain why it would have been not just appropriate for the St. Mary’s Girls College for it to have been read during their October 25th graduation celebration, but actually quite profoundly helpful for every young girl to know.

 

HOW EPHESIANS CHAPTER 5 REVEALS THE SECRET TO A HAPPY AND FULFILLED MARRIAGE

To the credit of the ABC Tasmania journalist, Loretta Lohberger, she actually cited not just the contentious verse at the centre of the furore, but quite a bit of its context. Having already drawn attention to the overall context of this Epistle as dealing with how we relate with others, it important to note that before the Apostle Paul (under the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit) tells wives to respect and submit to the husbands, he states this in the verse before it–

¶ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

Paul then explains how his overall point (that a relationship with Jesus the Christ enhances all of our other relationships) applies to a marriage relationship. He states that marriage is actually given by God as a picture of the closeness that God the Son (Jesus) wants with all His followers (the Church, comprised of all believers). A Christian’s relationship with Jesus is likened to the relationship between a husband and a wife. This is a relationship of mutual surrender (submission).

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:32-33

Jesus demonstrated the ultimate surrender by willingly dying the death that we all deserve. At the heart of what it means to love is the word surrender and serve the other. There is simply no greater example of this in all of human history than what Christ did on the cross of His crucifixion nearly 2,000 years ago! Thus, when the next verse instructs wives –

¶ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22

In its context it is saying, wives love your own husbands just as Christ has taught you what love really is. It goes on to speak to husbands with the even greater challenge –

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:25, 28

Husbands are instructed to love their wives by their complete surrender to them! This is the kind of love that protects, treasures, listens to, seeks to understand, selflessly serves, and prioritises his wife’s highest good and best interests. What woman would not want a husband like that? The injunction to wives to submit to their husbands presupposes that their husband has already demonstrated his submission and love for her. And when it comes to a young lady preparing to embark on what she should rightfully expect to be a lifelong journey of marital happiness, she should never commit her life to any man who has not already demonstrated his preparedness to love her like Christ has, and continues to, love His bride: the Church.

So let’s sum what we’ve learned. Ephesians was not an ancient Roman philosopher. Ephesians is the name of an Epistle in the New Testament of the Bible. Most wars were not the fault of the Bible passages such as Ephesians 5:22. The verse at the centre of the St. Mary’s College furore is far from demeaning to women — it is in fact the basis for a happy, fulfilling, lifelong marriage with a husband who commits to love his wife as Christ loves all those who are part of His Church, His bride.

And, if you are someone who would like to become familiar with and understand the Bible, I invite you to join me in a short daily YouTube video where I read through a portion of the Bible and give some background to it [VIEW].  

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

REPAIRING RELATIONSHIPS

"Woops! It broke. Never mind, I'll get another one." We live in a throw away society. Electronic stores often have "recycle bins" for cell-phones that just a few years ago cost a week's wages to buy and are now considered worthless. When I was growing up as a boy there were "Repair agents" who would fix broken appliances. Not today. We just throw them away and get another one. We are losing the art of repairing. I don't really care about dodgy toasters or kettles, but I do care about the things that are priceless which breakdown and are too easily thrown away. Some of you are in broken relationships and you need repairing.

A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
Proverbs 18:19

We maintain our gardens, our cars, our machinery, and even our health, but all too often neglect our relationships. The busyness of life, the demands of work, the responsibilities we carry, the financial pressures we face, all undermine our most important relationships unless we take counter-measures to maintain them. The word, repair comes from the Old French re-parare which meant to take back to readiness. In this sense, repairing is the initial stage of maintenance. But as many parents discover, getting back to a harmonious relationship with your child is not an easy matter if the brokenness has gone on urepaired for a while. Any husband can tell you that repairing a broken marriage can be more difficult than scaling to the pinnacle of a great mountain bare-foot. Repairing is a skill, an art, an often elusive hope.

And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the Repairer of The Breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.
Isaiah 58:12

Jesus knows a thing or two about brokenness and repairing. The Prophet Isaiah foretold of Him as 'The Repairer of The Breach' having just prophesied of Him in very rich symbolic language, 'a bruised reed He will not break' (Isa. 53). Who can not be moved deeply when reading of the Christ's final moments on the cross when He felt for the first and only time in all eternity a break in His fellowship with His Father. The immense pain of the breakage caused Him to cry out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" And this highlights an oft misunderstood aspect of relationship breakdowns: it's rarely the relationship that breaks first - it's always the fellowship that is broken first. Your relationship with you parents, your children, your spouse, will always be - but when there is no investment of time together, talking, sharing, listening, caring, helping, your fellowship with the one you are related to will suffer. 

God has given us each the marvellous opportunity of both relating and fellowshiping with others. We are created to do so. Isolate a person from others and you injure their soul. God created each one of us for a primary relationship with Him from which we are designed to enjoy our most satisfying fellowship. From this centre, we are created to relate and fellowship with others to lessening degrees. The first relationship that the Creator ordained for mankind to enjoy beyond his relationship with God, was a relationship and fellowship with his spouse. "God brought the woman to the man." This first marriage was to be the model from which all subsequent marriages would follow. What God had been to Adam, Adam could now, to some extent, be to Eve. This marriage union was meant to show Adam and Eve the richness of the eternal relationship and fellowship that God Himself enjoyed as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Our most significant relationships are meant to be our richest.

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:17-19

God is the ultimate relationship. His eternal fellowship has never been broken, except once. And the reason it was broken then is the same reason it continues to be broken for others today. Jesus experienced the forsaking of His Father while on the cross. (Forsaking involves ceasing to listen, refusal to answer, being absent.) The Father forsook His Son because Jesus became what the Father can not accommodate: sin (2Cor. 5:21). And neither can you and I. When someone sins against us they break their fellowship with us and damage our relationship with them. 

Consider the Trinity (the Ultimate Relationship). It is a relationship that is noted for two goals. Firstly, each member of the Trinity is committed to the glory God. Secondly, the way they glorify God is characterised by holiness. "Holiness" sounds like a boring religious word reserved for monk types. But in reality, holiness is the only means of our greatest delights and pleasure. We are created in the image of a holy God to be holy. And not until a married couple realise that God has gifted mankind with marriage for the same two goals- to glorify God, and to grow in holiness. 

But sin is the opposite of holiness. Sin robs a person of being able to give God glory. Sin prevents a person from reaching their potential because it denies a person the beauty and power of holiness. The holiest people are the happiest people. Similarly the unholiest people are the unhappiest people. God gifted marriage to mankind, not for our happiness (the fruit of holiness) but so that a person might more completely glorify God and attain holiness. Marriage as God intended is for your holiness not your happiness. Repairing a marriage means getting back to these two foundational goals. It's the same for repairing any relationship - i) commit your life to living for God's glory and ii) pursue holiness.

¶ Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14

If you are married, these are the goals for your marriage (God's glory and your holiness). Your job is to help your spouse to give God the greatest glory and deepen their holiness. This is why us husbands should always take the lead in repairing our marriages. We repair intimacy with our wife when we give her attention, listen (actively, reactively and responsively) apologise for the disappointments we have caused, relearn what she wants from us, and take steps to meet her needs (even though they sound like "wants"). Marriages need constant repairing. But it's not just marriages that need repairing. Friendships, brothers, sisters, parents, children, all need repairing.

For any relationship to be repaired, sin must be dealt with. When someone has been sinned against, this sin must be atoned for. If you steal someone's TV, you can atone for it by either returning it or replacing it - and then apologising before asking for forgiveness. You may not have 'stolen' something from the one you're now estranged with, but the principle is still the same: i) You put it right, ii) You apologise (feel the pain you have caused and express regret for that injury), iii) Seek forgiveness. This requires an essential element in the repairing process that is extremely difficult: humility. Of course, each of us need our fellowship with God repaired. We may not have stolen God's TV, but each of us have violated our sacred mandate to bear His image when we lust, covet, hate, blaspheme, or make other things a higher priority than Him. But unlike a stolen TV we can't put these things right with God by returning them to Him. This is why our own efforts - even our own religious efforts - are utterly useless to repair our relationship with God. We need The Repairer of The Breach to take our sin, guilt and shame and bear our penalty. What love! What grace!

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride...
Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
Isaac Watts, 'When I Survey', 1707

No matter how damaged your relationship is, it can be repaired. Jesus is still The Repairer of The Breach. Look to Him. See His humility in enduring the Cross. Notice His passion for the glory of God and holiness. This is why being in church for worship (giving God glory) and the instruction of the Word (our holiness) is indispensable for our fellowship with God. Like any of our relationships, it is from this basis that we draw the grace to repair all of our other relationships.

Ps. Andrew

CIRCLING AROUND THE MARRIAGE SQUARE

Why Marriage Is Between A Man & Woman

By Dr Andrew Corbett, Author of "What Is A Family?", 1st August 2009

Arguing against same-gender couple “marriage” feels like arguing against square-circles. Yet this is what we are being asked to do. This can be done in three ways. Firstly, we can reiterate why marriage is between a man and a woman. This is like being asked to defend the roundness of circles. Secondly, we can argue from nature that marriage is naturally between a man and a woman. This is like arguing that round things are circular. Thirdly, we can argue that two people of the same gender cannot ever be considered “married”. This is like arguing that even though a square claims to be a circle its claims are hampered because it has four sides.

CIRCLES ARE ROUND

The purpose of marriage has always been to unite a man and a woman (to the exclusion of all others) so that they can have and raise children in the most natural and secure way. Thus marriage has occurred since the beginning of time and in every culture. The welfare of children has to be one of the highest values for a society. Raising children in a safe, secure, nurturing, and wholesome way is the best way to ensure that these children grow into upstanding, community-minded, contributing members of society.

Therefore, marriage between a man and a woman is biologically necessary to produce children. It is also biologically necessary for the raising of children. In my book, What Is A Family? I give the research to support this premise that children are best raised by their own biological mum and dad. The next best is where they are raised by a mum and a dad.

Biology does matter when it comes to marriage. Therefore, it is not bigotry to restrict marriage to a man and woman – it’s biology!

[read the full article]