THE ART OF COMFORT

 THE ART OF COMFORT

Pastors come in different varieties which is why the term pastoral conjures different ideas in the minds of different people. A pastor is like the hand that is placed in the glove of a ministry position which then leads to that glove taking a certain shape of the pastor’s strengths, abilities, and spiritual gifts. Over time, if the partnership between a pastor and a congregation endures, that pastor will also be shaped by the needs and demands of those whom God has called them to shepherd. And if both that pastor and that congregation are particularly blessed by God, the breadth of the needs and demands of a growing congregation will be attended to by pastors rather than the unrealistic expectation of them being met be a pastor. But there are times when a pastor is called upon by the broader community to care for that broader community in those times of severe adversity resulting from some tragedy. Floods, bush-fires, transport disasters (air/sea/road), military incidents, famine, are just some broader community demands for pastoring that come to mind as examples. More often than not, the type of person that God equips to enter these tragedies is one who has been shaped by God through having to deal with their own tragedies. In these instances the pastoral glove takes the shape of a chaplain. A chaplain’s principal function is comfort. In writing to the Corinthians after a particularly painful series of events, the tragedy-seasoned apostle Paul was able to comfort those he was ministering to because he himself had been the beneficiary of comfort from God through others. Notice how many times he refers to comfort in just five verses of the opening chapter of Second Corinthians- 

¶ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings,
so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation;
and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure
the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you
share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
Second Corinthians 1:3-7

 

COMFORTING

Chaplains generally minister outside of their church community yet on behalf of their church community. They minister the love and comfort of God through Christ to those who are grappling with the early stages of sudden grief. They become a listening ear, a hand to be held, the bearer of immediate aid, and a conduit for other practical services. They represent the God who has suffered and entered into our world of suffering, loss, and pain (as Paul stated to the Corinthians 2Cor. 1:3-7). The most effective chaplains are those who have earned the trust of those they are called upon to comfort. This is why they can be found in football clubs, schools, and certain workplaces. (It is my hope that as our church continues to develop we will have numbers of representatives from our church serving as chaplains in these various community hubs who can offer hope and comfort in times of tragedy being experienced within these clubs/schools/workplaces.)

But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,
and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you,
as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more.
Second Corinthians 7:6-7

 

GOOD GRIEF

Unlike animal life, all of the aspects of human life are not instinctive. We humans have a lot to teach each other about being a fully-formed human being who is capable of love, bearing responsibility, living sacrificially for others, developing spiritual intimacy with God, worshiping, interacting courteously and respectfully with others especially those different from us, and parenting as a father or mother the next generation. Along the way of life’s path as we each learn these skills, there will be the inevitable need to also learn how to process loss. This will involve the loss of something precious, a loved one, a dream, a love. Dealing with such losses involves grieving. Ministers of comfort help those grieving to grieve well. They patiently listen as the grieving one expresses their disbelief at their loss, then their anger at someone (anyone will do) who should be or could be blamed, their regrets, then their overwhelming sadness. The minister of comfort shows the grieving that tears and sadness at their loss is both normal and healthy. They introduce them to the concept of their new normal and help them to understand that things will never be same again, and that feeling sad whenever they think of their loss is a part of their new normal. Without this shepherding, a griever’s remaining relationships can be strained beyond acceptable limits, and their use of food/alcohol/seclusion can become unhealthy for them physically/emotionally/spiritually. This is why chaplains are so valuable today. Chaplains are guides of good grief.

¶ So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:1-4

 

THE GOD OF ALL COMFORT

In the times of our deepest anguish, God is “the God of all comfort” (2Cor. 1:3). He is the One who understands our pain, our loss, our sadness. He is the One gives meaning to each of these. It is this God who not only promises to comfort all those who turn to Him in worshipful surrender, but He is the One who heals wounded souls so that they can be used by Him as agents of His soul-healing comfort to others. I am aware that there are many in our church who have experienced soul-healing comfort from God and that their tears of sadness in the process are more often than not good for our souls. Most of these ministers of comfort will never be seen on our stage or behind our pulpit, but I can also assure you that those who are regularly ministering from our pulpit are indeed recipients of the God of all comfort’s soul-healing comfort.

¶ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and God our Father,
who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, 
comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.
Second Thessalonians 2:16-17

 

Your pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

COMFORTING COMPLEX GRIEVERS

I have just spent some time with a grieving father. It’s been seven years. But he still hurts. Sadder still, he is still being hurt by those innocently wishing him well. Of course, wishing wells come in three varieties. There’s the one where you toss a coin in to make a wish. The other one can either be done poorly or well. And then there’s how we convey support for someone (when we wish them well). I’m sure all three have their place, but I am particularly interested in the last two of the three, and am most particularly interested in the last variety because it affects people like my friend, the grieving father. If you want to truly comfort those grieving a tragic loss, then consider this advice on wishing well.  

THE SPIRITUAL ART OF WISHING

Wishing is Biblical. The most common form of “wish” in the Bible (Greek word, ‘thelo’) means to will, desire, want. We use wish in this sense when we say things like, “I wish it would stop raining.” There are other uses of wish in the Bible which seem to go further than this and mean- to have a deep longing for. For example, the Apostle Paul had a deep longing and wish for his countrymen to come to know Christ and be saved from their sin.

¶ Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.
Romans 10:1

God’s wish and deep longing goes further and is toward all people to be saved –

The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
Second Peter 3:9

Thus, wishing has a spiritual element.

THE LIMITS OF WISHING

Even though we wish for certain things to be different or to be changed, there are some things which no amount of wishing could ever change, such as, changing the past – especially a past where there was the loss of a loved one. Wishing works best when focussed on the future.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
Philippians 3:13

WISHING WELL

What should we say to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one? I’m sure that most of us would want to wish them well. However, this intention sometimes fails in its delivery. For example, “You’ll get over this” might be true, but it can sound like a lack of compassion and sympathy (as if the life of the lost can easily be forgotten). “God has a reason“, can sound like God had just smitten a person with His wrath because they were particularly wicked. Well meaning people can say well meaning things that sound cruel to the griever and become unintentionally hurtful.   

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

How should we comfort those grieving the loss of a loved one who has taken their own life? Therapists call this kind of grief ‘complex grief’ because grief normally involves sadness and a measure of anger toward the cause of the death. This is made complex when the loved one is the cause. 

Counselors call this kind of grief a complicated grief or a complicated bereavement because grievers are actually dealing with two realities: grief and trauma. The grief of losing a loved one is normal and expected, but with suicide comes trauma. In processing a suicide, there is no easy path to peace and the grief journey cycles through all sorts of different feelings and emotions.
Christianity Today, October 20 2017

The kind of mental anguish that causes so much pain that it leads someone to take their own life is hard to understand. But I think that we as Christians should make every effort to try. Too many of us are too busy. It takes time and great patience to convey the kind of empathy the mentally ill could benefit from. In talking with my friend today, I asked him what was it that people said that really didn’t help? He gave me a list. Among that list were these things that he said should never be said to someone grieving the passing a loved one who has taken their own life.

“I know exactly what you’re going through.”

“How did they take their life?”

“How are you?”

It was difficult for my friend to share with me. He did said that the best thing anyone ever did in his grieving was to show their support by just being there but saying nothing. Don’t assume you can give someone a hug. They may not want anyone to touch them.

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down,
but a good word makes him glad.
Proverbs 12:25

To be wishing well those who are in grief or anguish, we need not be afraid of the various helps available. 

The church should not be afraid of psychology or medicine. Sometimes Christians think, Oh, that’s unspiritual. If we just believe or pray more, then we’d be able to heal this. But, no, these are ways that the church can minister to one another. God gave us people who are researchers and understand medicine, brain chemistry, and neuroscience. The better we understand these things, the better we can help one another. Just as we would not think it unspiritual to medically heal somebody for cancer or leukemia, it’s okay to provide treatment for depression and mental illness.
Christianity Today, October 20 2017

By being sensitive to those in anguish and learning how to support them appropriately, we can be a safe, healing, hope-imparting church. Such a church is surely better than any wishing well.

Pastor Andrew Corbett

WE HAVE A MAJOR THEOLOGICAL CRISIS!

"HOW CAN THERE BE A GOOD, LOVING POWERFUL GOD WHEN THIS HAS HAPPENED?!"

We have a major theological crisis. It's really bad. In the public square we hear it, read it, and are shaped by it. Most of the proponents of this bad theology make the most amazing statements about their 'god' and then make the outrageous assertion that they are describing our God. For those introduced to God, it is easy to detect this bad theology. Truthful theology presents God as the Sovereign, All-Wise, All-Knowing, All-Good God who demands, expects and deserves our utter devotion and submission. Deceptive theology presents its god as the one responsible for our happiness and existing to grant our requests. Even the youngest Christian with an elementary understanding of the Bible can spot the difference. And you can easily tell the difference for yourself between those who hold to Truthful Theology and those who hold to Deceptive theology: their response to tragedy.

For Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife because John had been saying to him, "It is not lawful for you to have her."
Matthew 14:3-4

Theology is the study of God and His ways, His Word, and His will. Deceptive theology does not do this. Rather, it fancifully imagines that God is like the god they have created. Truthful theology gives real knowledge of the true God and how He deals with people. Deceptive theology sets up an expectation of God as the god who exists to make people happy. Thus, when tragedy strikes the one who is beguiled by Deceptive theology they become angry with their god and assume that they are angry with God - and take out their anger on those who claim allegiance to God.

And though he wanted to put him to death, he feared the people, because they held him to be a prophet."
Matthew 14:5

Truthful Theology is grounded in the Scriptures. The Bible provides the knowledge of the truth about God. This is no mere "head knowedge". When dealing with truth, there is only knowledge - not head knowledge. When tragedy strikes those in love with Truthful Theology they are able to draw on their knowledge of the truth and experience a richer, sweeter, devotion to God.

Prompted by her mother, she said, "Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter."
Matthew 14:8

Jesus gave His highest accolades to one man. "No one is greater in the Kingdom", Jesus said of him. He loved John The Baptist deeply. When John was imprisoned, John doubted his faith in Christ. Doubt is not the same as unbelief. To doubt is to question. And that's exactly what John the Baptist did.

¶ Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, "Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?"
Matthew 11:2-3

I wonder if behind John's questioning of Christ there was a cry of confusion - a cry for help? After all, if we live for Christ aern't things supposed to go well for us? When we get into trouble isn't our God supposed to come and rescue us? Maybe John The Baptist thought so too? I wonder if Jesus similarly considered whether He should rescue John? What actually happened helps us to understand how real life - and God - works when tragedy happens. Too many people assume that when a disaster strikes them or someone they know/love that God is inactive. Our perspective of disaster is often that harm or even death is an indication of God's absence. But this story of the imprisonment of John The Baptist counters this idea. Christ knew where John The Baptist was. He knew what John was enduring. And He knew what John was about to face.

Prompted by her mother, she said, "Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter."
Matthew 14:8

What happened to John The Baptist and how Christ responded shows us how differently God views suffering and tragedy. We are so consumed with the here and now that we forget that whatcomes to pass comes to pass - and does not last in eternity!  The Bible calls our adverse circumstances, "light momentary affliction" (2Cor. 4:17). This does not lessen the ache and pain that such affliction causes, nor does it lessen the grief we feel when it affects those we care about. When the Son of God received word that John had been executed He was deeply moved and exhibited the immediate signs of human grief.

And his disciples came and took the body and buried it, and they went and told Jesus.
¶ Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.
Matthew 14:12-13

Whenever we experience tragedy or loss, we follow in the blood-stained footprints of our Lord who experienced the worst tragedy and loss! He understands our grief. He understands our pain. He understands our heart and the pain that fills it during such times. How can there be a good loving all-powerful God when people experience tragedy? It's actually in times of tragedy that we need the good, loving, all-powerful God to help and comfort us.

¶ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Second Corinthians 1:3-4

Those holding Deceptive theology clench their fist at God in anger for the tragedy they are experiencing because their bad theology deludes them into thinking that God is like the god their dysfunctional theology has created. John The Baptist didn't. Jesus didn't. The apostles didn't - because they had good Theology. Rather, like the Psalmists, they lifted their open hands in worship of the One who knows, understands, and feels what we go through. Good Theology always produces good worship. When you offer up an open hand to God rather than a clenched fist, you are demonstrating that you have a sound theological understanding of God and His dealings with those He loves - yet who suffer. And in a world dogged by really bad theology, it's not how the follower of Christ argues about the goodness of God during times of tragedy - it's how they demonstrate it in their worship of Him.

Ps. Andrew

God and Suffering

Today I had a man come and see me. He was a good man. He had been a faithful husband for the 50 years of his marriage. He had raised several well balanced children. As a child he had been a choir boy and was made to attend Sunday school every Sunday. Even after getting married he had attended church regularly. But then things began to unravel for him. He had a crisis of faith.

He saw someone die unexpectantly. He then saw the poverty of the Third World. He served in the military and saw several war zones where the madness of human brutality was unrestrained. And finally, his wife of five decades suddenly deteriorated to death with an incurable disease. So despite his religious upbringing, he came to a point where he felt that God had become an irrational concept. But then this began to change.

This man is like many people who have been religious but have never become a Christian. There is a world of difference between a religious person and a Christian. The religious person is merely concerned with appearances. Christianity on the other hand is concerned with Christ. Religion starts with routine. Christianity starts with trust. Thus, when God does what God does, the religious person is offended (see Matthew 15:12). But the Christian continues to trust (Romans 8:28). This is especially the case during suffering.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
- Romans 5:3 

I shared with this man in my office today the difference between being religious compared to  being a Christian. I emphasised that religion is about "do" while Christianity is about "done". I drew a pie on my whiteboard and divvied it up into various size pieces. On each piece of my whiteboard pie I wrote an aspect of life (family, work, liesure, hobbies, church). I then drew another pie without divvying it up. In the middle of this pie I wrote "Jesus". This is the difference between the life of a religious person and a Christian. The religious person makes room for religious things, like his church attendance. The Christian just lives their entire life for Jesus - not compartmentally - but so that everything they do is for Christ (1Cor. 10:31; Col. 3:23).

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
 - Colossians 3:23 

When suffering is observed by the Christian they are primarily moved by compassion not disillusionment. When suffering is experienced by the Christian they don't abandon God, they draw nearer to Him.

that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 
- Philippians 3:10

I continued to share with the man in my office. I invited him to turn to Christ in trust through prayer. He left my office saying that he had been "deeply affected" by what we talked about it. I'll be praying for him to be converted from being religious to being a Christian. Please join with me.

and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. 

 - Philemon 6 

Amen.