All women want 5 things...
Firstly, to be accepted. This is a powerful insight. If you feel accepted by those in your world, you will feel at ease. If you want people to be attracted to you, be an accepting person. If, however, you are a highly picky and confrontational person, you will be seen as an unattractive person. Whether we accept someone or not is tested when they fail and let us down. Because we crave acceptance it makes rejection all the more painful.
Thirdly, to be affirmed. This involves what a person does. Their performance. Their productivity. The artist is affirmed by the viewer appreciating their art. The musician is affirmed when their audience applauds. The wife is affirmed when her husband thanks her for the evening meal, the washing being done, the house being kept. The husband is affirmed when his wife thanks him for providing. The child is affirmed when they present their finger painting to their parent and hear what a clever, creative artist they are. Wise leaders know that the will get the most out of their team when they affirm them. When a work colleague tells another colleague that they have done a great job, it doesn't carry the same weight as when the boss says it. In a church, when a pastor affirms someone it carries great weight and fosters loyalty.
Fifthly, to feel secure. Wise husbands never threaten to leave their wife. Wise leaders never talk of quitting on those they lead. Wise parents never threaten to disown their children. We all crave to feel secure. Security gives a person a sense of ease and even a sense of control. The wise leader who leads his people to feel secure will avoid or minimise surprises. They will pre-empt certain decisions and actions so that those around them can securely feel comfortable in the knowledge that they know what is happening. Women are generally less secure than men. Rather than ridicule the women in your life for their insecurity, instead take steps to provide the security they need. This is done by being consistent, reliable, dependable, and practicing the above 4 needs.
When Kim and I arrived at Legana some 16 years ago (we celebrate our 16th year of Pastoral Ministry at Legana this Sunday) we felt strongly that we were to sow our lives into this work. Despite letting people know this, after two years of pastoring Legana many people asked us if we would be "moving on" now? We assured them that we were here to stay unless the Lord clearly said otherwise. People don't ask this of us any more. And we hope that our actions speak for us and that this provides people at Legana with security. When leaders endure and don't bail or quit, they cultivate security.
Psychologists have concluded that women generally need 5 things, not because they are women, but because they are human. Wise husbands will listen closely. Wise parents will read closely. Wise leaders will take careful note of these 5 most basic human psychological needs.
Firstly, to be accepted. This is a powerful insight. If you feel accepted by those in your world, you will feel at ease. If you want people to be attracted to you, be an accepting person. If, however, you are a highly picky and confrontational person, you will be seen as an unattractive person. Whether we accept someone or not is tested when they fail and let us down. Because we crave acceptance it makes rejection all the more painful.2Cor. 11:16 ¶ I repeat, let no one think me foolish. But even if you do, accept me as a fool, so that I too may boast a little.Phil. 2:29 So receive him in the Lord with all joy, and honor such men,
Secondly, to be loved. If there is a condition to being loved, it is not really love, it is a transaction. We crave to be not just accepted, but accepted for who we are and loved despite it! When we are loved it feels like someone is taking an interest in us. It feels like someone has our best interests at heart. When we say, "I love you" (something that a wise husband will say regularly to his wife) we are saying that we accept them, are interested in them, and desire their best interests. In the Hebrew worldview, this is best "said" by what you do. This is why Jesus never said to anyone "I love you" but actually never stopped saying it by what He did. Wise parents will never "disown" their children, or make their love for them conditional.
Thirdly, to be affirmed. This involves what a person does. Their performance. Their productivity. The artist is affirmed by the viewer appreciating their art. The musician is affirmed when their audience applauds. The wife is affirmed when her husband thanks her for the evening meal, the washing being done, the house being kept. The husband is affirmed when his wife thanks him for providing. The child is affirmed when they present their finger painting to their parent and hear what a clever, creative artist they are. Wise leaders know that the will get the most out of their team when they affirm them. When a work colleague tells another colleague that they have done a great job, it doesn't carry the same weight as when the boss says it. In a church, when a pastor affirms someone it carries great weight and fosters loyalty.1Thess. 1:2-3 ¶ We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Fourthly, to love. We are nourished as human beings when we love. This is one reason why we have pets. We are created to love. We need to love. Generosity is an act of love. When we give of our time, talent or treasure, we are loving. Of all the things that will be done in Heaven, only loving the way we can here on earth will not be possible. That is, in Heaven we will sing our worship for eternity - thus our time on earth now is a training ground for us to practice our worship of God. In Heaven we will learn from and about God - thus our time on earth now is a training ground for us to practice learning. But in Heaven we will not be able to show love to those without a covenant with God - the unsaved - rather, only now on Earth can we show such love to sinners by sharing with them the Gospel and giving financially to the church to enable the reaching out to these lost, hell-bound-for-eternity, sinners.
1Cor. 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.Eph. 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Fifthly, to feel secure. Wise husbands never threaten to leave their wife. Wise leaders never talk of quitting on those they lead. Wise parents never threaten to disown their children. We all crave to feel secure. Security gives a person a sense of ease and even a sense of control. The wise leader who leads his people to feel secure will avoid or minimise surprises. They will pre-empt certain decisions and actions so that those around them can securely feel comfortable in the knowledge that they know what is happening. Women are generally less secure than men. Rather than ridicule the women in your life for their insecurity, instead take steps to provide the security they need. This is done by being consistent, reliable, dependable, and practicing the above 4 needs.When Kim and I arrived at Legana some 16 years ago (we celebrate our 16th year of Pastoral Ministry at Legana this Sunday) we felt strongly that we were to sow our lives into this work. Despite letting people know this, after two years of pastoring Legana many people asked us if we would be "moving on" now? We assured them that we were here to stay unless the Lord clearly said otherwise. People don't ask this of us any more. And we hope that our actions speak for us and that this provides people at Legana with security. When leaders endure and don't bail or quit, they cultivate security.2Peter 1:10 Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.
Of course, it's not just women who want these things. We all need these 5 things as well. The more these things are demonstrated in our homes and in our church, the greater the likelihood we have of seeing the Kingdom of God extended in our community of Northern Tasmania.
Father, I need Your help. I want to preach so that people are moved an inch closer to Christ. Help me to lead the kind of life that increases this being able to happen. Lord, when I fail and let Your down, help me to be quick to repent. Give me partners who know that their service is making an eternal impact on the lives of others. And Father, we pray, that in all we do we might be privileged to see people come to Christ as their Saviour, in Jesus' Name, Amen.
Eph. 3:21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ps. Andrew
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