HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

 HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

This year we have been laying a foundation for knowing God and then each Sunday building upon it. Throughout June we are focusing on how knowing God enables us to find our joy in Him and consequently to discover that He enables us to find joy in our relationships with others. But sadly, for many people who have vowed to love, serve, and follow Jesus, this has not always been easy to do. This is why the current sub-theme of humility is critically important if someone desires to truly experience joy in each of their various relationships with others. 

 

HOW WE DEFINE JOY AND HOW WE DEFINE HUMILITY:

WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME AT DOING RELATIONSHIPS:

HOW THESE LACKING RELATIONSHIP SKILLS CAN BE CORRECTED:

Over the next few weeks we continue build on the foundation of knowing God which leads to building more joyous relationships with others. If this is something that you want to improve, remember, it begins with humbling yourself.

Amen.

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

WHO DOES THIS 'EPHESIANS' FELLA THINK HE IS!@#%!

It may well still be the best-selling book of all time – and continues year-by-year to be so – but certainly is not the best-read of our current times! If there was ever any doubt about this, the events this week in Hobart, at St. Mary’s (Catholic) College Girl’s School, should remove all doubt! A furore erupted over the news that the prescribed Scripture reading for the year-end graduation celebration, which incorporated a Mass, was “Wives submit to your husbands” taken from Ephesians. Callers into ABC radio’s breakfast program decried this assault against women – especially young, vulnerable girls. One caller, responding to the news that the text being used was a citation from Ephesians, denounced Ephesians and apparently demanded, “Just who does this Ephesians bloke think he is?!” Another caller stated, “Why are they quoting ancient Roman philosophers in the twenty-first century?!” And yet another caller somehow linked all religious wars to passages like this one in the Bible! He remarked, “I’m an atheist. All wars are started by those who are religious! No war was ever started by atheists!” (Perhaps he had never heard of Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Pol Pot, Vladimir Putin, who were collectively responsible for the deaths of over 20,000,000?) This furore led to the Archbishop conceding that the Ephesians passage did not have to be used at the graduation ceremony. But this furore has highlighted just how unaware many Tasmanians are about what the Bible is, what is actually says, and why it says it. And I am now about to correct this deficiency.  

IS THIS REALLY A FURORE ABOUT EPHESIANS?

To say that the Tasmanian Archbishop, Julian Porteous DD, has been in the cross-hairs of those who object to the moral teaching of Christianity might be the biggest understatement you will hear today. He has faced opposition at every turn – from the media, the Anti-Discrimination Tribunal, from unwitting Catholic school-girls (who drew the rainbow flag in chalk on the pavement outside their school as a demonstration against the Archbishop), and from those who salute the rainbow flag. He has faithfully defended what the Bible teaches about: the value of human life; human sexuality and gender; the sacredness of marriage between a husband and wife; and the liberty that everyone has to live out their religious convictions in the public square.

It is my suspicion that the particular text from Ephesians has been used many times previously in many other Catholic School assemblies and even graduations. So why now did it become so objectionable? It might also be my suspicion that this is yet another possible attempt to oppose Archbishop Porteous. To his credit, the Archbishop was quick to diffuse this furore by replacing this particular Scripture reading.

 

SOME INTERESTING AND LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT EPHESIANS

It is apparently a little known fact, at least here in Tasmania, that Ephesians was not a Roman philosopher. It is a similarly little known fact (again in Tasmania) that Ephesians was actually an epistle (a letter) written by the Apostle Paul to the Christians living in the Turkish city of Ephesus. 

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
¶ To the saints [Christians] who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus
Ephesians Chapter 1, Verse 1.

Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians is one of the twenty-seven divinely inspired documents of what is called, The New Testament. When scholars begin to examine a New Testament Epistle they begin by asking, What was the occasion, the reason, for the epistle to have been written. In asking this question of Ephesians scholars point out that a believer’s relationship with Jesus the Christ effected every relationship they had with others.

In Ephesians chapter 1, The Christ has made a relationship with God the Father possible (eg. Eph. 1:3-4).

In Ephesians chapter 2, The Christ has made a relationship with people who are ethnically and culturally different possible  (eg. Eph. 2:12-13).

In Ephesians chapter 3, The Christ has made relationships within a church comprised of other previously unfamiliar Christians possible (eg. Eph. 3:6).

In Ephesians chapter 4, The Christ has made a relationship with those God has placed as leaders within the church possible (eg. Eph. 4:2-4, 12).

In Ephesians chapter 5, The Christ has made a loving and lasting relationship between a husband wife possible (Eph. 5:28).

In Ephesians chapter 6, The Christ enriches the relationship of a parent with child/ren (eg. Eph. 6:1-4).

Hopefully you can see from this quick survey of The Epistle to the Ephesians that it is built around our various relationship and how people can get along and serve others. And just to quell the furore over the one verse in Chapter 5, I would like to conclude by taking a look at its context and then explain why it would have been not just appropriate for the St. Mary’s Girls College for it to have been read during their October 25th graduation celebration, but actually quite profoundly helpful for every young girl to know.

 

HOW EPHESIANS CHAPTER 5 REVEALS THE SECRET TO A HAPPY AND FULFILLED MARRIAGE

To the credit of the ABC Tasmania journalist, Loretta Lohberger, she actually cited not just the contentious verse at the centre of the furore, but quite a bit of its context. Having already drawn attention to the overall context of this Epistle as dealing with how we relate with others, it important to note that before the Apostle Paul (under the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit) tells wives to respect and submit to the husbands, he states this in the verse before it–

¶ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

Paul then explains how his overall point (that a relationship with Jesus the Christ enhances all of our other relationships) applies to a marriage relationship. He states that marriage is actually given by God as a picture of the closeness that God the Son (Jesus) wants with all His followers (the Church, comprised of all believers). A Christian’s relationship with Jesus is likened to the relationship between a husband and a wife. This is a relationship of mutual surrender (submission).

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:32-33

Jesus demonstrated the ultimate surrender by willingly dying the death that we all deserve. At the heart of what it means to love is the word surrender and serve the other. There is simply no greater example of this in all of human history than what Christ did on the cross of His crucifixion nearly 2,000 years ago! Thus, when the next verse instructs wives –

¶ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22

In its context it is saying, wives love your own husbands just as Christ has taught you what love really is. It goes on to speak to husbands with the even greater challenge –

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:25, 28

Husbands are instructed to love their wives by their complete surrender to them! This is the kind of love that protects, treasures, listens to, seeks to understand, selflessly serves, and prioritises his wife’s highest good and best interests. What woman would not want a husband like that? The injunction to wives to submit to their husbands presupposes that their husband has already demonstrated his submission and love for her. And when it comes to a young lady preparing to embark on what she should rightfully expect to be a lifelong journey of marital happiness, she should never commit her life to any man who has not already demonstrated his preparedness to love her like Christ has, and continues to, love His bride: the Church.

So let’s sum what we’ve learned. Ephesians was not an ancient Roman philosopher. Ephesians is the name of an Epistle in the New Testament of the Bible. Most wars were not the fault of the Bible passages such as Ephesians 5:22. The verse at the centre of the St. Mary’s College furore is far from demeaning to women — it is in fact the basis for a happy, fulfilling, lifelong marriage with a husband who commits to love his wife as Christ loves all those who are part of His Church, His bride.

And, if you are someone who would like to become familiar with and understand the Bible, I invite you to join me in a short daily YouTube video where I read through a portion of the Bible and give some background to it [VIEW].  

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

MAN UP!

MAN UP!

When I was growing up there were a lot movies in cinemas and on TV about rugged cowboys—and even commercials being made that featured other rugged cowboys. Men were presented as manly. Then along came James Bond, who knew how to fly any plane, pilot a car that could be driven off a pier into the sea as his Lotus that turned doubled as a submarine, and ski down the blackest run in the world and parachute (with a Union Jack) off a 5,000 foot cliff back into civilisation in a tuxedo. And, of course, time prevents me from talking about the super-heroes like Superman, Spiderman, and Batman, who lived secretly with their true identities while saving the world each weekday afternoon in under 30 minutes (including commercials). But over time, I came to be a little disturbed with Hollywood’s presentation of what it meant to be a man because each of these men lacked the essential qualities for what it truly means to be a man.

“I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man!“
(The dying King David to his young son, and heir to his throne, Solomon) First Kings 2:2

ESSENTIAL MANHOOD

We are now on the verge of a theological tsunami. A generation is now growing up where the concepts of manhood, husband and father — each Biblical metaphors for God — have been distorted. This might well be the biggest challenge the Church has ever faced in its 2,000 years of existence! And I want us to be a part of the prevention and solution!

While my growing up years were characterised by these rather rugged, solitary, hero-type, men, I must confess that I found something quite charming and even endearing about The Brady Bunch. There was something quite appealing to me about three girls who had lost their dad, and three boys who had lost their mum, have their losses mutually covered by their surviving parents getting married. I found the solution that Mr Brady provided for these three girls and their mum to be a beautiful and very noble idea. It inspired me to also want to have six children of my own when I grew up! Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I took careful note of those parents who stood out to me as a great parents. Even though, at about the age of 6, I hadn’t factored in the necessity of this plan involving one day getting married, I overlooked this gap in my plan and watched how great parents went about fulfilling their roles. What I observed dramatically altered my concept of what it meant to be a man. My new revelation of what essential manhood involved caused me to feel quite inadequate. And this was a problem for me, because as a teenager I could not deny the growing sense of God’s call on my life to be a pastor. But how could ever become a pastor if I was so inadequate? I was so concerned about this, I spoke with my church’s youth group leader, David ( ) Outhred, about what my options were considering my inadequacies. He essentially told me to “Man up!“

¶ “The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife”
First Timothy 3:1-2a

BEING A MAN

The parents that I observed who were doing a great job with their kids all had two things in common. Firstly, they parented as a team. Their relationship with each other was the strength of their parenting. They genuinely loved each other. Secondly, they parented intentionally which involved them willingly making certain sacrifices in order to be parents. They genuinely loved their children, but this never meant that their kids were the centre of their lives—God was! They taught their kids, by using a parent’s best friend ~ consistency ~ that when they said “No” they didn’t mean, “If you keep asking I’ll say yes just to shut you up.” Their love for their kids was unconditional, even though their saying “No” at times brought defiance and childish accusations of unfairness. This requires tireless courage on the part of mum and dad. Too often though, I noticed that some dads didn’t work as a team with their soul-mate. It was if they saw raising children as the woman’s job(?). Additionally, some men were easily broken down by their children’s defiance, and became very inconsistent with their parenting. Perhaps without realising it, these dads were undermining the efforts of their wives to teach their children some of life’s most essential and necessary lessons!

Solo-parenting presents a whole other set of difficulties. If you ever get to talk to a single parent and their challenges in parenting, and I’ve talked with many about this, they will tell you that they have twice the workload with half the resources to accomplish it. Single parenting is a tough gig. But so is parenting as a couple! Especially when the man is not playing his part. And too many women, not all of course, are left to become solo-parents because the father of their child/ren has abducted or fled his responsibilities.

Being a dad demands that a man becomes a different man in order to be a husband and a dad. All too often this is too big of a hill for many men to climb, and they run and hide (into their work, into their shed, or into their fishing gear) to avoid the climb. Little wonder then that Hollywood (largely comprised of male film producers!) depicts manly men as playboys with little responsibilities to “tie them down”, and married men—who are fathers—as buffoons! (An example below:)

THE ULTIMATE MAN

So Jesus came out, wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe. Pilate said to them, “Behold the man!”
John 19:5

Consider Jesus (Heb. 3:1). Consider this man, who Pilate presented to Israel as the man (Jn. 19:5).

• He gladly spent time with children (Matt. 18:2-5; watch)
  .
• He protected vulnerable and at-risk women (John 8:10-11)
  .
• He endorsed and gave support to parents (Lk. 8:41-42)
  .
• He honoured marriage between a man and a woman (John 2:1-11; watch; Matt. 19:4-6)
  .

Consider also how Jesus presented a radical view of God. While Israel had had a concept of Yahweh (God) as their Father (Isaiah 63:16), it was not until Jesus that anyone thought of Yahweh as my Father. In what must have sounded like a shocking way to speak of Yahweh, Jesus used a very intimate Aramaic word for father when speaking of God – Abba (Mk 13:36). The epistle writers regarded this Aramaic word for God The Father as so precious, they often transliterated it directly into Greek rather than using the Greek word (‘pater’). 

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by Whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15

And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”
Galatians 4:6

This Aramaic word, Abba, is best translated into English as ‘Daddy‘ or ‘Daddy dear‘. It is an incredibly affectionate term of endearment. This is how the disciples heard Jesus pray to His Father.

THREE THINGS MEN CAN LEARN FROM THE ULTIMATE MAN

When it comes to saving the world, Jesus was greater than any made-up super-hero. When comes to fulfilling a mission, Jesus was greater than fictional British playboy spy. Jesus was also the greatest lover of women ever — and yet, He never had sex. Jesus was the strongest, smartest, wisest, most ethical, sinless, purest, courageous, virtuous, determined, man ever. He didn’t see children as nuisances. He didn’t treat women as objects. He didn’t use vicious humour to belittle. He protected the weak. He looked after the poor. He ate with the marginalised. He assisted foreigners. He blessed struggling small-business operators. He gave of Himself to soldiers who were oppressors and invaders of his nation. There is much for men to emulate from the example of Jesus The Christ. Here’s three things every man, who will one day be—or is—a husband and father:

1. Love your wife. Treat her with unfair kindness (grace). Christ does for His (Ephesians 5:25). Get to know her. Find out what her favourites are. Discover what all of her likes and dislikes are. Learn how to apologise to her. Date her regularly. Notice her (be particularly alert to new hairstyles!). Write her a love poem – at least once a year (see Mick Dadson for tips on how to do this). Listen to her point of view and prove to her that you understand it. Remember, the strength of relationship with her determines the strength of your parenting and the level of security that your children will enjoy.
   .
2. Play with your kids. Teach your children what true and real love is. Teach your children the stories of the Bible. Teach your children who God is and what He is like. And play with your children. Let them see and experience how man who is much bigger, much stronger, and much smarter than them, can restrain each of these attributes to help them to enjoy their time with dad and have happy memories of their children where they laughed a lot (Ephesians 6:4). Remember that your holidays together are going to be some of the fondest memories your children will ever have. Start saving now for your next family holiday.
   .
3. Don’t make your wife or your kids the centre of your life – it will ruin them. When someone lives with anyone other than God as the centre of their life, the calls this idolatry (1Cor. 10:14). The centre of Christ’s world was His Abba, not His disciples, and not even His Church. But because of His love for His Father, He could love His disciples, His followers, and those He interacted with even though some of them were considered His enemies. Your love for God as a husband and a father strengthens your number one mission in life for your wife and children: to help bring them closer to God. This is why things like family devotions, or dinner time prayers, or bedside Bible stories, are so important for fathers who love their children. It is also why attending church as a family is critically important because it helps to keep God as the Centre of our lives. 
   .

THE THEOLOGICAL TSUNAMI

The reason I state this this is potentially a theological tsunami that will make our mission even more difficult, is that our presentation of God is the one that Christ gave us to deliver to the world – that God is our Heavenly Father, our Abba. Because of the perception that many of this generation are getting of what a man and father is, there ability to know God as their Heavenly Father is impeded. For those of us who know God as our Abba, we know that there are times when He says “No” to our prayer requests. Good, loving, kind, fathers must, at times, say “No” to their children. But a generation that has been drawn into the devil’s sticky web of deception and beguiled into the lie that are entitled to have whatever they want — in fact, they have a right to whatever they want, are going to struggle with a God who says “No” but still unconditionally loves them. Unless, of course, we provide them of counter-examples of loving, kind, considerate, generous, manhood and fatherhood that reflects who God the Father really is. If we can do that, at least in our island state, we might just have a chance of staving off this looming theologically incorrect tsunami.

 Pastor Andrew.