MAN UP!

MAN UP!

When I was growing up there were a lot movies in cinemas and on TV about rugged cowboys—and even commercials being made that featured other rugged cowboys. Men were presented as manly. Then along came James Bond, who knew how to fly any plane, pilot a car that could be driven off a pier into the sea as his Lotus that turned doubled as a submarine, and ski down the blackest run in the world and parachute (with a Union Jack) off a 5,000 foot cliff back into civilisation in a tuxedo. And, of course, time prevents me from talking about the super-heroes like Superman, Spiderman, and Batman, who lived secretly with their true identities while saving the world each weekday afternoon in under 30 minutes (including commercials). But over time, I came to be a little disturbed with Hollywood’s presentation of what it meant to be a man because each of these men lacked the essential qualities for what it truly means to be a man.

“I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man!“
(The dying King David to his young son, and heir to his throne, Solomon) First Kings 2:2

ESSENTIAL MANHOOD

We are now on the verge of a theological tsunami. A generation is now growing up where the concepts of manhood, husband and father — each Biblical metaphors for God — have been distorted. This might well be the biggest challenge the Church has ever faced in its 2,000 years of existence! And I want us to be a part of the prevention and solution!

While my growing up years were characterised by these rather rugged, solitary, hero-type, men, I must confess that I found something quite charming and even endearing about The Brady Bunch. There was something quite appealing to me about three girls who had lost their dad, and three boys who had lost their mum, have their losses mutually covered by their surviving parents getting married. I found the solution that Mr Brady provided for these three girls and their mum to be a beautiful and very noble idea. It inspired me to also want to have six children of my own when I grew up! Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I took careful note of those parents who stood out to me as a great parents. Even though, at about the age of 6, I hadn’t factored in the necessity of this plan involving one day getting married, I overlooked this gap in my plan and watched how great parents went about fulfilling their roles. What I observed dramatically altered my concept of what it meant to be a man. My new revelation of what essential manhood involved caused me to feel quite inadequate. And this was a problem for me, because as a teenager I could not deny the growing sense of God’s call on my life to be a pastor. But how could ever become a pastor if I was so inadequate? I was so concerned about this, I spoke with my church’s youth group leader, David ( ) Outhred, about what my options were considering my inadequacies. He essentially told me to “Man up!“

¶ “The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife”
First Timothy 3:1-2a

BEING A MAN

The parents that I observed who were doing a great job with their kids all had two things in common. Firstly, they parented as a team. Their relationship with each other was the strength of their parenting. They genuinely loved each other. Secondly, they parented intentionally which involved them willingly making certain sacrifices in order to be parents. They genuinely loved their children, but this never meant that their kids were the centre of their lives—God was! They taught their kids, by using a parent’s best friend ~ consistency ~ that when they said “No” they didn’t mean, “If you keep asking I’ll say yes just to shut you up.” Their love for their kids was unconditional, even though their saying “No” at times brought defiance and childish accusations of unfairness. This requires tireless courage on the part of mum and dad. Too often though, I noticed that some dads didn’t work as a team with their soul-mate. It was if they saw raising children as the woman’s job(?). Additionally, some men were easily broken down by their children’s defiance, and became very inconsistent with their parenting. Perhaps without realising it, these dads were undermining the efforts of their wives to teach their children some of life’s most essential and necessary lessons!

Solo-parenting presents a whole other set of difficulties. If you ever get to talk to a single parent and their challenges in parenting, and I’ve talked with many about this, they will tell you that they have twice the workload with half the resources to accomplish it. Single parenting is a tough gig. But so is parenting as a couple! Especially when the man is not playing his part. And too many women, not all of course, are left to become solo-parents because the father of their child/ren has abducted or fled his responsibilities.

Being a dad demands that a man becomes a different man in order to be a husband and a dad. All too often this is too big of a hill for many men to climb, and they run and hide (into their work, into their shed, or into their fishing gear) to avoid the climb. Little wonder then that Hollywood (largely comprised of male film producers!) depicts manly men as playboys with little responsibilities to “tie them down”, and married men—who are fathers—as buffoons! (An example below:)

THE ULTIMATE MAN

So Jesus came out, wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe. Pilate said to them, “Behold the man!”
John 19:5

Consider Jesus (Heb. 3:1). Consider this man, who Pilate presented to Israel as the man (Jn. 19:5).

• He gladly spent time with children (Matt. 18:2-5; watch)
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• He protected vulnerable and at-risk women (John 8:10-11)
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• He endorsed and gave support to parents (Lk. 8:41-42)
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• He honoured marriage between a man and a woman (John 2:1-11; watch; Matt. 19:4-6)
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Consider also how Jesus presented a radical view of God. While Israel had had a concept of Yahweh (God) as their Father (Isaiah 63:16), it was not until Jesus that anyone thought of Yahweh as my Father. In what must have sounded like a shocking way to speak of Yahweh, Jesus used a very intimate Aramaic word for father when speaking of God – Abba (Mk 13:36). The epistle writers regarded this Aramaic word for God The Father as so precious, they often transliterated it directly into Greek rather than using the Greek word (‘pater’). 

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by Whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15

And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”
Galatians 4:6

This Aramaic word, Abba, is best translated into English as ‘Daddy‘ or ‘Daddy dear‘. It is an incredibly affectionate term of endearment. This is how the disciples heard Jesus pray to His Father.

THREE THINGS MEN CAN LEARN FROM THE ULTIMATE MAN

When it comes to saving the world, Jesus was greater than any made-up super-hero. When comes to fulfilling a mission, Jesus was greater than fictional British playboy spy. Jesus was also the greatest lover of women ever — and yet, He never had sex. Jesus was the strongest, smartest, wisest, most ethical, sinless, purest, courageous, virtuous, determined, man ever. He didn’t see children as nuisances. He didn’t treat women as objects. He didn’t use vicious humour to belittle. He protected the weak. He looked after the poor. He ate with the marginalised. He assisted foreigners. He blessed struggling small-business operators. He gave of Himself to soldiers who were oppressors and invaders of his nation. There is much for men to emulate from the example of Jesus The Christ. Here’s three things every man, who will one day be—or is—a husband and father:

1. Love your wife. Treat her with unfair kindness (grace). Christ does for His (Ephesians 5:25). Get to know her. Find out what her favourites are. Discover what all of her likes and dislikes are. Learn how to apologise to her. Date her regularly. Notice her (be particularly alert to new hairstyles!). Write her a love poem – at least once a year (see Mick Dadson for tips on how to do this). Listen to her point of view and prove to her that you understand it. Remember, the strength of relationship with her determines the strength of your parenting and the level of security that your children will enjoy.
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2. Play with your kids. Teach your children what true and real love is. Teach your children the stories of the Bible. Teach your children who God is and what He is like. And play with your children. Let them see and experience how man who is much bigger, much stronger, and much smarter than them, can restrain each of these attributes to help them to enjoy their time with dad and have happy memories of their children where they laughed a lot (Ephesians 6:4). Remember that your holidays together are going to be some of the fondest memories your children will ever have. Start saving now for your next family holiday.
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3. Don’t make your wife or your kids the centre of your life – it will ruin them. When someone lives with anyone other than God as the centre of their life, the calls this idolatry (1Cor. 10:14). The centre of Christ’s world was His Abba, not His disciples, and not even His Church. But because of His love for His Father, He could love His disciples, His followers, and those He interacted with even though some of them were considered His enemies. Your love for God as a husband and a father strengthens your number one mission in life for your wife and children: to help bring them closer to God. This is why things like family devotions, or dinner time prayers, or bedside Bible stories, are so important for fathers who love their children. It is also why attending church as a family is critically important because it helps to keep God as the Centre of our lives. 
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THE THEOLOGICAL TSUNAMI

The reason I state this this is potentially a theological tsunami that will make our mission even more difficult, is that our presentation of God is the one that Christ gave us to deliver to the world – that God is our Heavenly Father, our Abba. Because of the perception that many of this generation are getting of what a man and father is, there ability to know God as their Heavenly Father is impeded. For those of us who know God as our Abba, we know that there are times when He says “No” to our prayer requests. Good, loving, kind, fathers must, at times, say “No” to their children. But a generation that has been drawn into the devil’s sticky web of deception and beguiled into the lie that are entitled to have whatever they want — in fact, they have a right to whatever they want, are going to struggle with a God who says “No” but still unconditionally loves them. Unless, of course, we provide them of counter-examples of loving, kind, considerate, generous, manhood and fatherhood that reflects who God the Father really is. If we can do that, at least in our island state, we might just have a chance of staving off this looming theologically incorrect tsunami.

 Pastor Andrew.

When It Comes To Same-Sex Marriage, We Are Not Your Enemy

We Are Not Your Enemy

Christians Want For You What You Want

by Dr. Andrew Corbett

We all need acceptance, love and respect. We all have a right to be treated with equality. This is why I totally get why so many people are in favour of same-sex marriage. It’s why so many people who identify themselves as part of the same-sex attracted communities are fighting so passionately for the laws in Australia to be changed to provide for same-sex marriage. As a Christian, I want for these people what they want - because I think everybody needs acceptance, love and respect, and equality. But I don’t think that same-sex marriage is the way to get it and it seems that 90% of the LGBTQ communities agree.

The Brooklyn psychologist, Professor Abraham Maslow (1908 - 1970), wrote the book Motivation And Personality (1954) in which he argues that all psychologically healthy human beings have a ‘hierarchy of needs’.  

Maslow made an astute observation that people generally need to feel - physically well, safe, accepted (“Love/belonging”), valued (“Esteem”), and dignity (“Self-actualization”). This is why I understand why people feel so strongly about the need to introduce same-sex marriage into Australia. As several Irish respondents told the media after Ireland changed its laws in May 2015 to introduce same-sex marriage, “Now we will be accepted for who we are!” Acceptance is a critical human need. 

Yet despite the vigorous appeals by the LGBTQ communities for same-sex marriage - built on the very persuasive arguments that the introduction of same-sex marriage will alleviate the alarming suicide rates of young men who identify as homosexual compared with similar aged men in the general population, the abnormally high rates of depression among the members of the LGBTQ communities, and the generally poorer physical health conditions of this sector of society - the largely untold (unnoticed?) fact is that where same-sex marriage has been introduced 90% of those who identify as being in a same-sex relationship show no interest in same-sex marriage. 

This is the case in both New Zealand and Ireland - two of the most recent examples of where these arguments were used and the laws consequently changed to provide for it. In fact, one of the first states in the USA to introduce same-sex marriage was Massachusetts - which did so largely on the basis of these arguments (high rates of very poor mental health, abnormally high rates of suicide). Yet, after introducing same-sex marriage there, which had an initially higher than average take-up by same-sex couples, there was no alleviation of these factors - and according to some analysts, may have actually worsened. And this seems to be repeated elsewhere also. Despite the appeals and claims to the contrary, same-sex marriage is not a boon for the LGBTQ communities and may even be a disappointing bane.

Christians are not the enemy of the LGBTQ communities. Most Christians want what the most vocal representatives of these communities are calling for: acceptance, tolerance, and respect. But the facts seem to speak for themselves: that same-sex marriage does not deliver this, and may indeed make achieving this utterly allusive. Despite the vitriolic claims that Christian are ‘bigots’ for opposing same-sex marriage, it could actually be an act of great compassion on the part of the Christian community toward the LGBTQ communities to explain why changing the Marriage Act will not, and indeed, cannot deliver what they expect. And based on the numbers of same-sex couples in Canada, USA, New Zealand, Europe and Ireland who have not taken up same-sex marriage, it seems that around 90% of the LGBTQ communities agree: same-sex marriage is not the answer they are looking for.

When Premises Are Wrong

One of the reasons why same-sex marriage has failed so completely to address the deeply concerning issues of abnormally high depression and suicide rates among their communities, is that the premise of same-sex marriage is enormously mistaken. (A premise is the foundational notion upon which a conclusion is arrived.) In this instance the premise is that a person’s worth and value is measured and determined by the relationship they have with another person. But this is entirely false and even quite a cruel way to regard human worth. 

Marriage does not add worth or intrinsic value to a man or a woman when they marry each other. Marriage does not even mean that a person has now become acceptable. And marriage certainly does not make someone equal with any other human being. Worth, value, acceptance and equality are all grounded in the inherent and God-given uniqueness of all human beings which the American founding fathers stated when they wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.” Christians sometimes refer to this truth as the imago dei (“the image of God”).

Christians don’t just ground their understanding of human worth and value in the imago dei to oppose same-sex marriage - or even homosexuality per se - it is also the basis for saying to a young teenage girl that your worth and value is not found in having a boyfriend. It’s found in whose image you bear. It is on this premise that we understand that love can be given, received, felt, without ever having to sexualise it. A young person should not be hoodwinked into thinking that it is another human being who determines whether they are acceptable, lovable, of any worth or even equal. The Christian boldly declares, often to their own hurt, that a human being is uniquely created in the image of God and is therefore infinitely valuable and supremely loved. Acceptance by God is one of the deepest cravings of every human heart and is found not in marriage, but in our relationship to our Maker.

What Jesus Taught

It is well known that Jesus Christ was one of the greatest men to have walked the earth. His greatness is seen most beautifully in the way He loved others. He is also the greatest example of the truth that love does not mean anything goes. On the contrary, the way Jesus loved was the supreme mix of compassion with care-filled truth. In John 8 Jesus is presented with the woman caught in the act of adultery (one of the six forms of sexual immorality forbidden in the Bible, Leviticus 18:20). In a remarkable display of the highest compassion for the woman who had been dragged out into the dusty streetscape by the religious authorities, Jesus shows that true love does not tolerate anything when He offers forgiveness to the woman and then with great tenderness tells her-

Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”  

John 8:10-11

“Go and sin no more” Jesus told her. He didn’t trivialise or tolerate the sin in which this woman was caught. And in marked contrast to those in our day who consider that sexualising a relationship with another person has no moral implications, Jesus Christ reinforced what He had inspired the Biblical authors to write: that sexuality and morality are intrinsically linked. In fact, He emphatically stated that if sexuality was trivialised into acts of immorality it would put a person’s soul in eternal peril (Matthew 15:19-20). But He went further and reinforced what the Scriptures had already declared about the sanctity of marriage - its candidates, its purpose, and its requirements, when He said-

He answered, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matthew 19:4-6

This is the only definition of marriage that Jesus gave - not merely for His followers, but for all people whom He created. When Christians endorse Christ’s statement about marriage and sexuality, we are not being the enemy, we are showing fidelity to Christ and compassion for all people - all people. As I have spoken with my non-Christian friends who have disagreed with me about same-sex marriage, we have soon found ourselves looking at Christ’s view on sexuality and marriage which has surprised them because they had been led to believe that Jesus was all about unconditional acceptance (commonly confused as being ‘love’) and that He actually said nothing about marriage. When they discover that neither is the case they also find that the motive of most Christians is not intolerance, bigotry, or phobia, but genuine care.

Pain And Brokenness

When a person has experienced the opposite of what Professor Maslow described as the basic needs of every human - wellness, safety, acceptance, and love - they experience deep pain and brokenness. Some wounds are obvious but some of the most painful are not. Many of these wounds result in brokenness, particularly sexual brokenness. This leads to the very misguided notion that safety, wellness, acceptance and love can only, or even ultimately, result through sexualisation. This is broken thinking. Some of the most hurt and lonely people in the world are those who have sexualised their pursuit of these basic human needs rather than discovering how to truly have these needs met.

I have been somewhat careful to state that no other human being can directly or ultimately satisfy our basic human needs. This is because we are all designed and created for these needs to be met in our relationship with God. Yet our first forebears skewed our capacity for our needs to be met in this relationship with our Creator when their rebellion embedded into our ‘spiritual DNA’ the seeds of human brokenness that necessitated the Creator becoming our Law Giver to protect us against ourselves. This is why God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to the world as The Atonement for all human beings who turn to Him and receive His Lordship and forgiveness. 

Many sexually broken people (those who have pursued the practice of sexualising their relationships in the hope of having their needs met) have come to the end of themselves, and from the darkness of their sadness, loneliness, and rejection, have turned to Jesus and begun to find the wellness, security, acceptance and love that they had always craved. For most of these people the consequences of their brokenness has meant that they will then struggle for the rest of their lives with inappropriate sexual desires (this is not restricted simply to those with same-sex attraction of course). Acclaimed Christians, like Henri Nouwen (1932-1996, pictured right), lived with this struggle for all of their lives. It is an extremely important distinction to make that attraction and action are not the same and do not have to follow.

Struggle is often the fight we fight to do what’s right. When it comes to matters like these, not struggling in the guise of being who I really am has simply not worked for many broken people. Despite the aspirations that many advocates have held for same-sex marriage legislation alleviating the pain of those who are several hundred percent more likely to suffer from depression and its consequences, the data is pretty overwhelming: it hasn’t. 

To those in the LGBTQ communities, we, the Church, are not your enemies. We want for you what you want to the core of your soul - to be well body/mind/soul, to experience acceptance, to know love, and to discover true meaning for your life. We are not being bigots when we also say that same-sex marriage will not deliver you these needs. It has not. It can not. But there is Someone who can.

Pastor Andrew Corbett, 4th March 2016

Pastor of Legana Christian Church, Tasmania