THE PAINING GIFT OF CHANGE
2Cor. 3:18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
TIGER WOODS
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect..Romans 12:2
Dr Henry Cloud tells the story of being at a retreat with a group of Company CEOs. In the group were some very seasoned Executives and one very young and enthusiastic CEO. After they each shared with the group about their work, and in particular after the young CEO had shared about his company and where he was taking it, an older CEO came up to him and offered, "Can I give you a word of advice?" Henry Cloud was watching this exchange. He wondered whether the somewhat brash young CEO would fob the older CEO off. Instead, what he witnessed amazed him. The young CEO replied, "No, not at all. I'd appreciate the gift." The gift. This younger CEO regarded correction as a "gift". Henry Cloud then saw why this young man had risen through the ranks of this company so quickly: He was committed to seeing correction as the means of personal growth. It therefore came as no surprise to Dr Cloud to hear the reports over the next few years of this young CEO's stellar career in business leadership.
¶ Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.
Prov. 12:1
If you have parents who correct you, especially your attitude, view it as a gift. If you have friends who pull you up for pouting and point out to you that your attitude is childish, view it as a gift. If you have a pastor who challenges you to grow and stretch, view it as a gift. If your spouse has confronted you about your behaviour or attitude and you rejected their gift and became defensive and dismissive by blaming, go to them now and apologise. Humble yourself and ask them for forgiveness and invite them to speak honestly with you about your attitude and behaviour anytime. Their loving correction is a gift. Albeit, a gift that is painful. Receiving the gift of correction though is only the start of change. The pain of change is in the commitment to keep changing.
Highly successful people know that "good" is the enemy of "great". To go from good to great requires change. In the transition period of change it becomes frustrating. Letting go of something before you've fully grasped something else is always unsettling. This is why moving house is so stressful for most people. But without the pained gift of change, we cannot grow. As a church it is comfortable to keep things as they are. We love our small group where we know everyone and are known by everyone. But then our small group becomes too large and we are forced to change. Resisting this change leads to stagnation both individually and for the group. Embracing this painful change leads to challenging growth. The same goes for a marriage gone stale where a wife is trying to tell her husband that she is feeling neglected by him and that she wants him change. He can of course become defensive and tell her that he has to work long hours, that he needs to watch TV silently to unwind, and that his time in workshop is what keeps him sane - or he can own the problem, apologise, and ask for advice on how to fix his problem. (I know which one is more painful.)
How do you need to change? Do you have people who care enough about you that they are trying to tell you something for your own good? Do you only ever become defensive when someone confronts you about your behaviour or attitude? Have you ever asked for someone to speak honestly into your life, even though you knew it would be painful to hear?
The process of being committed to change is frustrating and somewhat painful. If you're like me, changing from using food to only eating food is really painful. Changing from always being instantly defensive to thanking someone for the helpful insight, is a painful process. But the process of change is a means to growth and growing in character means that the kinds of change that used to hurt, don't pain us as much as they once used to.
Father, we need to change and we need Your grace to do it. Our salvation start with a shocking change called repentance and continues through change called sanctification. Please bring people into our lives who can help us to change - not just be critical or demeaning of our faults and mistakes. Help us to become the people You want us to become. And when it hurts too much, give us extra grace to stay committed to the process of change. Lord, we thank You for Your good plan for our lives even when it hurts. Amen.
Eph. 3:21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ps. Andrew