LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

I love tennis. I’ve been to Wimbledon several times. While I think there are many reasons why the Australian Open is the best run of any of the 4 Majors, Wimbledon is still my favourite. Each of the Majors are quite different, but the differences between the US Tennis Open and The Championships (Wimbledon) are stark. 

Firstly, the demeanour of the crowds. It’s common for gentlemen spectators attending The Championships to come wearing suits and ties, and ladies to attend in elegant summer frocks. The English crowds are relatively reserved and offer polite claps in appreciation of the players’ efforts. The New York crowds to the US Open are often rowdy and frequently asked to be silent by the umpire. Secondly the way the players are addressed. At the US Open, the players compete in the Men’s or Women’s tournament draws. At The Championships, the players enter the Ladies or Gentlemen tournament draws. I wonder how many realise the significant difference the two sets of designations? My wonderment is partly fuelled by the alarming rate of “suicides of despair” (a term which has recently been coined to describe the trend of suicide particularly among young men, and increasingly, now, among young women, who have expressed their despair at living a pointless life). My contribution to solving this crises is not unique or original. It involves giving young men and women a vision worthy of giving their entire lives to. It the vision of being a lady or a gentleman.    

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE SECOND MOST COMMON QUESTION YOU WILL BE ASKED THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE…

It comes in several forms and depending on your stage of life might be put in the future interrogative or past perfect tenses. “What do you do?” To the young child it sounds like, “What would you like to do when you grow up?” To the college student it sounds like, “What kind of job are you looking for when you graduate?” To the middle-aged person it sounds like, “What do you for a living?” To the elderly it sounds like, “What did you used to do for a job?” This question in its various forms will be the second most asked question you will ever answer (after the polite and most common question, “How are you?”). While it’s an interesting question, it’s not the most important question should be asked or take the time to answer. A far more important question that should be asked more often—and even if it’s not, it still should be answered: “Who do you want to become?”

I want to encourage young women to answer this important with something that sounds like, “I want to become a lady” and I want to encourage young men to give an answer that sounds like, “I want to become a gentleman.” When we think of “a lady” we tend to think of how they present themselves – hair nicely dressed and wisped; an elegant evening dress; subtly adorned with exquisite jewellery, make-up done (without any indication of the time it took to apply); an petite clutch bag under one arm, and Italian leather high-heel fashion shoes on. 

When we think of a “gentleman” we tend to think of how they present themselves – a Saville Row tailored (forgive the tautology) wool suit; a cuff-linked tailored shirt; a Windsor knotted silk tie with matching pocket square; an Italian leather belt and matching black dress shoes; and a Swiss-made Roamer analogue wrist watch. We presume that such a man drives a leather-appointed late-model European car, has an apartment in the city and a weekend retreat on acreage in the country, and only flies at the front passenger section on a commercial plane when his private jet is being serviced.      

THE PROBLEM WITH A FAULTY PICTURE OF A LADY AND A GENTLEMAN

Our global village has a problem. We have an epidemic of despair-suicides. And alarmingly in some parts of the world this tragedy is preceded by unbelievable acts of mass violence largely committed by young men who then took their own lives. Below is a graphic of the (mass) shootings in America in 2017 alone (according to GunViolence.org) [each red dot represents the site of a shooting in 2017]. “America has been rocked by 46,695 shooting incidents so far this year [2017]. Of those, 11,686 resulted in death, and 23,717 were injured, according to figures from Gun Violence Archive. More than 540 of those injured or killed this year were children, and 2,439 were teenagers” (The Metro, Associated Newspapers Limited).

There have been more than 46,000 shooting incidents this year already (2017) (Picture: gunviolencearchive.org) Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2017/10/03/devastating-maps-show-how-many-shootings-have-rocked-us-in-2017-6973992/?ito=cbshare Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/

The term ‘despair suicide’ (also referred to as “death by despair”) was coined to describe how many of these young people are feeling about life’s purpose – or more particularly, life’s lack of purpose. It’s difficult to blame them for feeling this way when those they are supposed to look up to continually them that life is meaningless — we are just an accident of random unguided atoms which a long time ago clashed and eventually coalesced to form human beings — this life is all there is — when you die you’re dead because there is no after-life and you have no soul (that’s just silly unscientific superstition). This cultural narrative is a grand lie. Yet, rather than call-out this devilish deception, politicians play a blame-game by pointing the finger at violent video games, graphic and gratuitous movies, and a lack of better mental-health care. (It is more probable that these things are symptoms of despair rather than its cause.)

With such a serious problem—a problem that closely touches us here in Tasmania—it may sound odd that I am suggesting that a significant contribution to its solution is a fresh vision of what a lady and a gentleman really is, and, is worth committing your entire life toward achieving. 

The US has had 57 times as many school shootings as the other major industrialized nations combined -CNN

 

THE REAL DEFINITION OF A LADY AND A GENTLEMAN

An upper-class English magazine, A Country Life, recently ran an article on what makes a ‘gentleman’. Their list of 31 qualities of a gentleman included such things as “Can build a model of an English manor out of Lego® blocks”! This is nonsense. The definition of a lady and a gentleman comes at a time when culture creating a perfect-storm of greater despair for the coming generation with its nonsense that there is no such thing as “a man” or “a woman”. At a time when such similar nonsense was raging over the channel in France, as the French tore themselves apart over what became known as the French Revolution, the Irish Philosopher and English Parliamentarian, Edmund Burke, wrote, “This European world of ours, depended for ages upon two principles; and were indeed the result of both combined: I mean the spirit of a gentleman, and the spirit of religion” (Source).

What then is a lady or a gentleman? There are four essential ingredients to being a lady or a gentleman and none of them particularly involve Lego® or Italian fashion accessories.

1. Virtue – a commitment to excellence in character

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge
First Peter 1:5

2. Consideration – a commitment to consider and respect others

¶ We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Romans 15:1

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.
First Thessalonians 5:14

3. Self-sacrificing Service – a commitment to contribute to, serve, protect, and help their community, especially the vulnerable 

And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
Matthew 25:33-40

4. A godly moral code – a commitment to an unchangeable objective set of moral standards  

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:4-5

Therefore, a lady is a virtuous, considerate, helpful, godly woman. 

Therefore, a gentleman is a virtuous, considerate, helpful, godly man. 

THE CHALLENGE FOR PARENTS IN RAISING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

Any parent who seeks to raise their daughters to become young ladies, and their sons to become young gentlemen, has a real uphill battle of a challenge! We live in a culture of cognitive dissonance (holding at two ideas which are completely contradictory as both equally true) which makes raising ladies and gentlemen really difficult. Firstly, there is culture’s absurd idea that there is no longer any such thing as gender intrinsically linked to one’s biological sex. Then there is the push for gender equality in the workplace where campaigners point out that there is still a huge pay gap between men and women! (Notice how these two ideas are contradictory?) Secondly, there is the “#ME_TOO” movement where women who have been sexually abused by ‘powerful’ men are speaking up about their abuse and calling out these evil predators. But in the midst of this movement getting traction in the media and the courts, Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy magazine, died, and was hailed as a champion of the “liberation of women”. (I hope the contradiction in cultural values is immediately apparent!) Added to this is the message that pornography sends to men — especially young men — about how to treat a woman! Pray for young parents—especially single mums with sons!!

A protest group hold up signs of Jeffrey Epstein in front of the federal courthouse on 8 July 2019 in New York City. Photograph: Stephanie Keith/Getty Images

This cognitive dissonance was highlighted again for me last Sunday night after our evening church service when I came home from church and made my dinner and then watched 60Minutes which featured the story of sex trafficker and rampant abuser, Jeffrey Epstein. What he did to over a thousand vulnerable girls and young women was deplorable. But either during the ad-breaks, or shortly after, channel 9 featured their station promo for “Love Island Australia”! I spoke to a representative of channel 9 over the phone yesterday about this and I made the point that I would be stunned if next week’s mailbag didn’t highlight this cognitive dissonance (at Home Group last night I suggested that Peter Harvey might even come back from the dead to read this mail! #humour). 

The confusion for young would-be ladies and gentlemen runs deep and is vigorously promoted by Hollywood with female super-heroes who act like men, and inept dopey men who portrayed as cowards. This is why we need a grand—not a quaint—vision of what a lady and a gentleman actually looks like.

HOW THE MODERN JESUS-COMMUNITY OF BELIEVERS (our CHURCH) CAN HELP TO FOSTER LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

The fourth attribute of a true lady or gentleman is godliness. Godliness means live life by following Jesus’ way of seeing, treating, and caring for others as you continually seek God’s presence in your own life. And when we consider the first three traits of a lady or a gentleman, there is no greater example of virtue (moral excellence), consideration (compassion for others), self-sacrificing service, and moral purity, than God in the flesh—Jesus Christ. Every time we ‘sacrifice’ to meet together with each other on a Sunday, we are sending a powerful message of the importance of having our lives shaped by Jesus and His Word to this generation of young people. These two institutions working in harmony together—the family, and, the local church—are the only ones truly committed at providing the authentic solution to how we are going to help foster a generation of ladies and gentlemen where young men treat young ladies with respect and dignity and young ladies see their value in who God says they are rather than who Pinterest says they should be!

I write to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one. ¶ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.
First John 2:14-17

 -Pastor Andrew

WHAT IT TAKES FOR A LOCAL CHURCH TO BE A COMMUNITY OF BELIEVERS

OUR COMMUNITY

And all who believed were together and had all things in common.
Acts 2:44

The local church is called by Christ and His Word to be a community. A community of believers is where people are known, needs are shared, prayers are offered, victories are celebrated and losses are comforted. This takes time, trust, humility, and commitment, to develop. Many experts, such as Phil Cooke and Jonathan Bock, are deeply concerned that the community within local churches has disintegrated so low that it is now in jeopardy! Their new book, The Way Back, makes a strong case that churches have lost their sense of community which has led to a loss of attraction to those in the world looking for soul healing. They state that when the average American church goer now only attends their local church less than 3 Sundays in every 8, the church’s ability to foster its community is rendered near impossible – and worse still, its collective witness is undermined. Rod Dreher makes a similar point in his book, The Benedict Option. But it’s not too late for us here to maintain and build our church’s sense of community. Here’s why.

A PLACE OF LOVE      

¶ Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common.
Acts 4:32

None of us go to church on Sunday because we are the church. The former is a consumer mentality, the latter is a Biblical mentality. Each Sunday our church comes together. To maintain and build our sense of community as a church requires work, sacrifice, and commitment. This is why parents have a duty to model to their children what being a member of a church community is all about. Children should see the times when their parents are sacrificing in order to come together as the church with their church community. We live in such an individualistic culture that is built around ‘my’ happiness and what ‘I’ want. But God’s design for people is for them to become a part of a church which is an ‘us’ culture where our focus is beyond ourselves rather than on ourselves. 

In the world love is thought of as what brings me pleasure, but in the Kingdom of God love is what brings others their highest good. The kind of community we are called by God to be and become is a community where we learn to love each other. 

SUNDAY IS FAMILY DAY!

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:10

Your church community is your family. Parents bring their children to church each Sunday to demonstrate to their children that their family is much bigger than just their nuclear family. Thus, when their children one day move out of home and possibly even relocate to another city, they will have a Biblical truth planted deep in their soul: that the local church is also my family wherever I am!

Because Sunday is family day as a church, we intentionally do those things which strengthen our community bonds. We worship together. We pray together. We give our attention to God’s Word together. We share conversation together. We share our burdens together. We listen to one another. We confess to one another.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
James 5:16

NOT JUST A SUNDAY COMMUNITY

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts,
Acts 2:46

A church community is just maintained and built on our Sunday gatherings. We are an Acts 2 church. This doesn’t mean that we are trying to be either nostalgic (dwelling on the past) or romantic (idealising the past), rather, we observe that from the outset of the Church’s establishment by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the Day of Pentecost that there were principles upon which the Church was founded and then built upon. These are most obvious in Acts 2. It is here that we see the Church met in the Temple precinct and in homes. The larger attractional gathering plus the more intimate home meetings were the key environments for fostering the church’s community. This is why our small group meetings held in homes around our Valley are so pivotal to us developing our bonds of community. This too requires work, sacrifice, and commitment. The Home Group that I lead is comprised of busy (and often tired) people. We share together, occasionally cry together, laugh together, eat and drink together, pray together, confess to each other, and ponder God’s Word together.

I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.
John 17:23

We are being very intentional about developing our church community. This is why each of our Home Groups have been undertaking a study of Romans 12:9-21. It’s why each of the Home Group leaders meet together every month for breakfast. It’s why we roster each of our Home Groups on a particular Sunday to work together to show hospitality to the broader church family. It’s why we need everyone on board with this mission to be a covenant community of believers. 

Pastor Andrew

HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER

One of the most curious things about the greatest lover of all time, is that there is no record of him ever saying the words, I love you. In fact, it’s beyond curious. In reality, it’s not even startling: it’s amazing that He didn’t need to!

There can be no doubt that Jesus loved people. Even His enemies knew Him to be a person of love for others.

¶ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.
John 11:5

So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
John 11:36

Dr Gary Chapman wrote a best-selling book a few years called, The 5 Love Languages. Perhaps the reason it sold so well was that we all really want to know how to love those we care about. Dr. Chapman identified 5 general ways that people like to show and receive love. He asserted that sometimes our actions are misunderstood or unappreciated because we may not have realised that someone was showing us love in a “language” because they were using a love-language we were not familiar with. Conversely, sometimes we attempt to show love to someone without appreciating that this person needed to have it expressed in a way they felt loved. For example, Dr. Chapman identified words of affirmation as some people’s primary love language. Thus, when a person whose primary love language was quality time spent the day with that person, they were surprised that the other person felt smothered and that the person spending time with them hadn’t been considerate of their dire lack of time. 

Learning someone’s primary love language takes time and testing.

Somehow, Jesus just seemed to demonstrate love perfectly to everyone. He dispensed all of Dr Chapman’s five love language prodigiously. He served others. He gave gifts to others. He spoke words of affirmation to others. He spent quality time with others. And He appropriately used affection as He touched people. 

Christ also demonstrated the fruit of love to others – forgiveness and acceptance. This was seen by how spoke of and to those who despised Him. While railing against the hypocritical Scribes and Pharisees, Jesus loved them. Many of them were deeply touched by this love. One of them, Nicodemus, even sought out a private meeting with The Christ and received one of the greatest acts of love any teacher could receive when Jesus gave him what has become the most famous verse in the Bible. Another member of the Sanhedrin, Joseph of Arimathea, declared his appreciation for The Christ who had shown him such great love, by offering over his tomb for the body of Jesus to be laid there. Even though we read of Christ railing against the Scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23, His tone, His manner and His motive, were loving. 

¶ “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.
Matthew 23:13

In laying the foundation for His Church, Christ gave just one commandment for how His followers were to treat each other: love one another!

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 13:24-25

The kind of love which Christ conveyed to people was so foreign, incomprehensible, and unheard of, that when the Apostle Paul wrote some twenty years later to the licentious Corinthians about their confusion of love with sexuality and grace with unconditional forgiveness he was directed by the Holy Spirit to spell out in some detail exactly what this kind of love was.

¶ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
First Corinthians 13:4-7

And when he expounded to the Romans what the Gospel was and then its implications, he spelled out that once a believer had surrendered their life Christ (Rom. 12:1) there were to-

¶ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:9-10

He then went on to tell the Romans, and thereby tell you and me, that this looks like-

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
¶ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:13-21

If you want to be a better lover, take note of Dr. Chapman’s advice on speaking the right language, but particularly take note of how Christ loved, then consider Paul’s detailed description of loving imperatives, and by heeding each of these, you will be a better lover.

Ps Andrew Corbett