THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT YEARS OF ANYONE'S LIFE

I have just completed a university degree course on sociology. Sociology is the science of how people interact with each other. It arose as a field of scientific study during the Industrial Revolution of the 1800s. It was during the Industrial Revolution when there was much upheaval in the western world as families were uprooted from their farms and villages to relocate into cities to work in factories. Many previously unheard of social problems arose as a result. People, often living in crammed inner-city conditions, became disconnected with their extended families. These cities became huge drawcards not just for people to move from their rural villages and towns, but also for impoverished immigrants to leave behind their poverty in foreign countries and migrate to countries where they could not speak the language let alone understand the local customs, traditions and laws. It was a French academic, Auguste Comte (1798-1857), who noticed that after the French Revolution (which coincided with the Industrial Revolution) that “a new form of society” was forming, and that this could be scientifically studied. Comte coined the term, sociology and set about to write several books explaining how the scientific method could be applied to study of how the members of a society interacted. Those who came after Comte began to study why some people seemed to grow up to become virtuous contributors to society – who always seemed to have ever increasing opportunities for advancement – and others did not. The universal discovery of all sociologists ever since Comte was starting. The secret to the success of these high achievers, seemingly without exception, was determined by the first five years of their life! Sociologists now describe the first five years of anyone’s life as “the most important years of anyone’s life.” This is particularly important for every parent and educator to know. 

French Philosopher, Auguste Comte, who lived a tragic life and died of stomach cancer at the age of 59. He coined the term, “sociology.”

Consider my picture of the two burning candles. The caption asks, Which candle represents the adult and which candle represents the child? Which candle has been burning longest? From this point in time, which candle has the potential to burn longest?

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

 

WHAT HAPPENS TO A CHILD IN THE FIRST FIVE YEARS OF THEIR LIFE?

“Characteristics of personality that are established in the first five formative years will survive into an individual’s adulthood, directing his or her responses to various life situations.”
(Introduction To Sociology, Koichi Kitano, 2013: 57)

Sociologists have discovered that much a person’s future direction in life is largely determined by the extent to which they were socialised in their first years. Being positively socialised depends on the level of interaction a child has with his or her biological parents, the extent to which their boundaries and consequences are clear, the values enforced, their education (distinct from ‘schooling’) and their comprehension of their place in this world. Sociology Professor, Alex Thio (Society Myths and Realities, 2007:73), cites numerous examples of negative instances where these necessary formative aspects were deprived some children and the result was what he calls feral children.

Professor Thio also cites examples where these formative aspects were intentionally provided to some children with extraordinary results. I think that all Christian parents, educators, and disciplers should be aware of why the first five years of a child’s life are the most important years of their when it comes to shaping a person’s personality and character; and, how can each play a critically important role in positively contributing to each child entrusted into our influence.   

For I, too, was once my father’s son,
tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.
Proverbs 4:3 (NLT)

#1. Children need to learn love.

A newborn and growing child is designed by God to immediately experience love. This often involves being hugged and held by his or mother. As both mother and father then demonstrate and model appropriate touch and affection the child develops the psychological security that he or she is loved. This experience of love is then translated into realising that mother has been serving her son or daughter. The child comes to realise that serving is an intrinsic aspect of loving and being loved. Educators and disciplers (Kids Church/Sunday School teachers) are recognised as reinforcing this vision of love which the child’s parents have also established. In this way the growing child realises that his or her loving community extends beyond their family to their church family. The child can come to see that God is his or her loving heavenly Father, and that we love, because He first loved us (1Jn. 4:19). As the child comes to understanding that love involves sacrificial serving they develop the virtue of helpfulness and see it as an honour to help others.

#2. Children need to learn that boundaries and consequences are necessary for a virtuous life.

A newborn and growing child is designed by God to immediately experience boundaries and consequences appropriate to their age. Some boundaries are laws, some are rules, and some are what sociologists call norms. Norms are the way we are supposed to behave even when there is no law or rule telling us we have to. Understanding that life involves learning how to get along with others, a child comes to understand that do so requires learning what the norms are for doing so. These norms are often referred to as “common courtesy” or “being polite” or “showing respect”. By experiencing their mother and father’s boundaries and consequences the young son or daughter can come to see that God has boundaries and consequences for violating them that are designed for our good, because He loves us (1Jn. 4:17-18). As the child comes to understanding that God has ordained certain boundaries with consequences for breaching them they develop the virtue of godliness and see their worship of God as an honour.

#3. Children need to learn that honesty and integrity are essential qualities of a virtuous life.

A child is born a rebel with a disposition to sin, lie, cheat, and steal (and I should know, I was one). The person who said that children are as perfect angels had obviously never had children! Prof. Thio describes a new born child as a tabula rasa (a blank slate, p. 72). But he also says that every child is born with certain “inherited” qualities. Biologists might argue that is merely genetic but Christians know every child is born with the stain of sin on their soul (Rom. 5:12) because the first man, Adam, represented each us via a genetic connection (1Cor. 15:22). But the good news is that God has made a way for each of us to be set free from the stain of sin through repentance and confession of sins and putting our faith in Christ (Rom. 10:9). Every child needs to be taught to how to confess their sins, how to repent, and how to apologise. By witnessing their mother and father confessing their sins, repenting, and apologising, a child comes to understanding that God is good, loving, holy, and forgiving Saviour and that he or she can also develop the virtue of honesty and integrity and learn to forgive those who offend against them (Eph. 4:32).

#4. Children need to be taught to learn and educated into how to live a virtuous life.

A child requires teaching to learn how to learn and how to be educated. In a recent Pastor’s Desk I discussed the important role that parents play in educating their youngest children by simply reading to them. Parents, Kids Church workers, and Christian educators need to teach children that this world was created by God and it is His will that we learn about it. Children can be introduced good stories, how to count, how to spell, how to write, how to discover, and taken on ‘field trips’ around their neighbourhood to learn about bio-diversity and ecology (the plants and insects and animals that inhabit their neighbourhood). Every child needs to be taught to how to learn and then how to be taught so that they respect their teachers (Prov. 19:20). By witnessing their mother and father reading, studying, and learning, a child comes to understand that God is inexhaustibly magnificent and that He has made a beautiful world full of diverse wonders which reflects His artistry and unlimited intelligence (Psalm 19:1; Rom. 1:19-20).

#5. Children need to be taught how to discover that the purpose of life is to live to the glory of God.

A child must be taught that their life is a gift from God meant to be lived to God’s glory – not theirs. Happiness is a poor substitute for the true purpose of life. Ignoring God’s Word as the moral compass for our lives and fooling ourselves into thinking that we are a better moral compass than the one God has provided can only lead to inevitable pain. Every child needs to understand why the claims of the Bible are true and what the evidences are for the existence of the God of the Bible. By understanding why the Bible is trustworthy and authoritative, a child can develop their own confidence in their faith in God and His Word. The result for a child will be an understanding about how to live to the glory of God and how to see their role in society – whether they are a student, an employee, a volunteer – is to be carried out for God’s glory (1Cor. 10:31). Christian parents, Kids Church workers, and Christian school teachers play a critical in a child’s life — especially in a child’s first five years. When a child is living to the glory of God they have discovered the meaning and purpose of life itself.

 

LET’S SEE INFANTS AND TODDLERS DIFFERENTLY

The early years of a child’s life are critically important. As a church family we can each play our part in ensuring that we together do our best to ensure that youngest members of our church family are given the best role models that we can be so that their parents are supported through this important season of a child’s life. For those of us who perhaps did not receive the benefit of intentional virtue training and discipleship, the good news is that the Word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit can redeem any life.

While our society seems to be doing all it can to avoid marrying early and starting a family, and even promoting so-called marriages that are biologically incapable of procreating children, if we can just encourage and train prospective parents on how to raise children to be virtuous followers of Christ, we stand a great chance that within one or two generations the majority of our society will actually know the Lord. And perhaps then, we will be one or maybe two steps closer to fulfilling the Great Commission Christ. While parents, Kids Church leaders, and Christian school teachers should be intentional about shaping young children to be fully devoted followers of Christ who have reasons for believing Christianity is true – which shapes them into virtuous contributors to society and to find their role in God’s Kingdom, we can all play a supportive role in prayer, volunteering, and encouraging. Perhaps then, this Sunday, you might see some of the young children in our church family through different eyes. Hopefully you will see future doctors, future teachers, future pastors, future politicians, future business leaders, and future prime ministers. This is why I think our Kids Church and Youth Group are pivotal and key to us establishing a church than in generations to come will win their generation to the Lord!

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SITTING, WALKING, RESTING, RISING

 A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SITTING, WALKING, RESTING, RISING

I was recently reading a highly respected Biblical scholar, Dr. David deSilva, who specialises in what the New Testament teaches about Christian community. He reflected on how he had the privilege of being invited into many churches across the United States and Asia. He then made a comment about what he considered was the saddest and most heard appeal given in the hundreds of churches he had been in. 

“It is always a grievous thing when pastors have to call time and time again for Sunday school teachers and youth group leaders—better an empty choir loft than a lack of investment on the part of mature Christians in the lives and the training of the youth in the ‘instruction and discipline of the Lord.’ Our children’s roots in the faith will be all the deeper, and their equipment to engage adult life as Christians all the more complete, if many adults take a keen interest in them, making opportunities to talk with them about God, about living a life that honors God, about the ways in which one can sink deep roots in God’s love.”
David deSilva, “Honor, Patronage, Kinship and Purity”, 2000:239

Dr. deSilva goes on to discuss how every church needs every adult to recognise their responsibility to help teach and disciple the children within their church centre. This doesn’t necessarily mean every adult should be out in Kids Church each Sunday, but it does mean that every adult needs to be extra-aware that they are already teaching each of the children in the church by their example. It’s uncomfortably amazing just how much children indirectly learn about Christianity from observing grown-ups at church! Secondly, it should mean that more mature adult believers will volunteer to regularly teach in the Kids Church. Most of our Kids Church team leaders are qualified teachers who spend time training volunteer Kids Church teachers. Please prayerfully consider how you can be a part of our church’s ministry to children.

 

SITTING, WALKING, RESTING, RISING FOR THE SAKE OF CHILDREN 

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:7

You don’t have to be a parent to be an everyday teacher of the children in our church. The kind of teaching, training, and discipleship that the Bible calls for involves talking about the Lord when you sit, when you walk, when you lie down, and when you rise. But if you are a parent, then you have the privilege of teaching and training your own children every time you sit, lie down, and rise up. The children of our church need to know what the bible says, why the bible is true and reliable, why Christianity is true, and how to apply what Jesus taught.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

We each bear a responsibility to ensure that the next generation of Christ-followers are taught, trained, prepared, and equipped, to walk confidently with Christ and to be able to make Him known. “Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:13-14). Doing what we can to help a child to know and love God is something that we can each contribute to—even if we are not a parent. Note this closing New Testament verse from a follower of Christ who never had his own children, but saw himself as a father to many which would have caused him to share the Word of God when he sat, when he walked, when he rested, and when he arose for the day -

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
3John 4 , Apostle John

 

Your pastor,

Andrew Corbett

The ABCs of HOME-MAKING

The ABCs of HOME-MAKING

When Kim and I were married, we moved into a house. We also had a sense that we wouldn’t be living there for very long. We simultaneously had a sense that God was going to send us somewhere on a mission which meant that the house we were in would never really be our home. When we bought the house we now live in, there was a moment when it was transformed from being a house into our home. Homes don’t just happen. They are made. A home can be where one person dwells, a couple dwell, siblings dwell, a parent or parents dwell with their child or children, or even where a group of people dwell perhaps while they complete their university studies. A home is where you can be you and feel safe, secure, and accepted. But a dwelling can only become ‘a home’ when it is made into one and this is where the ABCs of home-making applies.

¶ Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself,where she may lay her young,at your altars, O LORD of hosts,my King and my God.Blessed are those who dwell in your house,ever singing your praise! SelahPsalm 84:3-4

HOMES ARE DYNAMIC

When things change we refer to them as being dynamic. When any young couple marries and they eventually move into their new home, the time comes when they long to start their own family. And when a child is welcomed into a home, that home changes. The couple are now parents and they are now presented with increased home-making challenges. They soon discover that a home can only function when everyone who shares it understands three essential things. Thus, their immediate role as parents of their newborn is to begin to teach and demonstrate the ABCs of what makes a home functional. As their child grows, and hopefully even more children are welcomed into their home, their parental role increases in importance.  

1.  ATTITUDE

Homes require a certain attitude for them to be functional. Attitude is about heart. It’s an internal response to external circumstances. For a home to be a home, those who dwell together in it must have a positive, caring, helpful, generous, teachable, humble attitude. A child does not enter the world with these character traits pre-loaded. They must be ‘caught’ then ‘taught’. A child has to learn that even when things don’t go their way, they have to be a person of character with an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude. Every parent knows that when a first child becomes a sibling to a new member of the family, they are prone to developing an attitude of feeling left-out or neglected, and even resenting the arrival of their baby brother of sister. 

This is why it is important for every member of the home to have an attitude that willingly serves each other and contributes to the home. This makes meal-time at the dinner table incredibly important. It also makes the contribution of each member at the time to be important as well. Even two or three year olds can put the salt or pepper on the table. As they get older they can set the table, clear the table, help dad wash and dry the dishes, and put the condiments away. 

This kind of humble, servant attitude is modelled by Dad and Mum and is soon caught by their children. I’m not suggesting that this is easy or that family members won’t default to resistance to be helpful. But in order for a home to work well, there has to be a heart-felt culture that is sincere and positive.

2.  BELIEFS

For a home to be happy there has to be a set of commonly held and correct beliefs. Parents should begin teaching their children about God and His Word from the outset and invite challenges to and questions about these beliefs in a way that demonstrates to their children that these beliefs can sustain scrutiny. Because we now live in a world which mistakenly believes that all ideas are equal, homes must be the place where truth becomes the foundation for ideas and reasons become the grounding for opinions. When parents present their child to the Lord in an act of dedication, a part of the ceremony contains the words “that the child will most naturally come to put their faith in Jesus Christ as their Saviour”. This declaration is built on the home life of the child having their beliefs shaped by the truth about God and His Word.

3.  CONDUCT

The kind of conduct needed to build a strong and happy home is built on the foundation of a heart that produces an attitude of love and servanthood, and is grounded in true beliefs. The desire to do right does not come pre-loaded into the heart of a child. This is why rules are needed to shape and inform right conduct. Parents would do well to continually teach the 10 Commandments to their children and show how these are taught in the New Testament. These commandments are basis for the legal systems of all civilised nations and would be at home in any home as well. 

THE ABCs OF HOME-MAKING FOR A CHURCH

When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about what to look for in prospective elders, he concluded by stating that they must first have their own homes in order. Apparently Paul regarded the church as being like a home.

for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?
First Timothy 3:5

For our church to be a home, we need lots of spiritual ‘mums’ and ‘dads’ who know how to help raise spiritual children. These spiritual mums and dads, just like the Apostle Paul himself, may have never had had the privilege of being a parent in the natural, but they can play a vital role in helping us to Legana a spiritual home for our spiritual children. Within our church-home we also need ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ who get alongside these new ones and encourage them. We also need spiritual Opas and Omas (Grandfathers and Grandmothers) who can pray incessantly for our young ones in the Lord to grow to maturity. Above all, for our church to be a home in which we regularly welcome new family members and even visitors, we need an attitude shaped by the attitude of Christ, beliefs that are grounded in God’s Word, and conduct that seeks to glorify and reflect God.     

if I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth.
First Timothy 3:15

Pastor Andrew