A FICTIVE FAMILY

 A FICTIVE FAMILY

Jesus taught that a fictive family is closer and more important than belonging to a natural family. Dr. David de Silva, in his book Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity: Unlocking New Testament Culture (2000 IVP) argues that it is impossible to fully appreciate the New Testament unless one also understands the central importance of the fictive family. A natural family is ideally where we are all meant to belong and find unconditional acceptance and provision. A natural family is where we are meant to learn to love, share and show care. A natural family comprised of a father, mother, brother/s and sister/s is where are introduced and orientated to the natural differences between men and women which then enables us relate in healthy ways with members of the opposite sex. These are all vital aspects that contribute to a person’s social, emotional, and psychological development. A natural family is where we begin to learn loyalty, cooperation, and how to celebrate the achievements of others. It was always a very important institution to God as well which is why two of the Ten Commandments exist to strengthen it. So when Jesus declared that belonging to His fictive family was more important than just this long-standing God-ordained natural family, it must be something we need to understand.

¶ While He was still speaking to the people, behold, His mother and His brothers stood outside, asking to speak to Him. But He replied to the man who told him, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”
Matthew 12:46-50

Your dictionary might define ‘fictive’ as imaginary but that is not what New Testament scholars refer to when they use the word in describing the cultural landscape and backdrop to the New Testament. Professor of New Testament Theology, Dr. Randy Hedlun, describes the fictive family (kin) as, “[extending] beyond those sharing a common ancestry), which included slaves…distant relatives who may need support and would join the kin group, in-laws, and any others the kin group chose to embrace into its care” (The New Testament As Literature, 2017, p. 49). Belonging to Christ’s kingdom admitted you into His fictive family (kin). Christ expected that those who were accepted into this fictive family would bring the minimum standards of what it meant to belong to a natural family but then realise your relationship to other members of your fictive family was now stronger than blood. This is why, de Silva points out, the most common way of referring to another member of Christ’s fictive family was as a ‘brother’ or ‘sister’.

¶ By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
First John 3:16

In many families (if not most) there is sibling rivalries. But in Christ’s fictive family there must not be rivalry. This kind of petty competitiveness leading to envy was to considered as shameful and a mark of immaturity.

I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?
First Corinthians 6:5-7

In a natural family only those who are connected by a bloodline are considered kin (“family”). But in Christ’s Kingdom His family is connected by adoption by the Father and evidenced by acts of goodness and kindness.

For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
Mark 3:35 

As brothers and sisters in Christ’s fictive family we cheer each other on and rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom. 12:15). There is to be no competing against another brother or sister for the acclaim of others. This kind of behaviour within the fictive family of Christ is disgraceful and worse behaviour than would be tolerated in a natural family. This is powerfully illustrated by Christ’s parable of the father who had two sons which Jesus told to shame the scribes and pharisees’ behaviour.

¶ Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear Him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” ¶ So He told them this parable: … ¶ And He said, “There was a man who had two sons.”
Luke 15:1-3, 11

When two of Christ’s disciples came to Jesus and to sit either side of Him in His kingdom, it was, Dr. de Silva points out, a thoughtful act of one brother toward another, but it was a misunderstanding of what Christ’s kingdom was meant to be among the disciples – and something that caused a dissension between them. Jesus wanted all of His disciples to recognise that they were all brothers by a bond stronger than blood.

And they said to Him, “Grant us to sit, one at Your right hand and one at Your left, in your glory.” Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” And they said to Him, “We are able.” And Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized, but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.” And when the ten heard it, they began to be indignant at James and John.
Mark 10:37-41

Christ’s family is open to anyone. He invited (and still invites) the outcast, the unpopular, the despised, the weak, the vulnerable, the apparently ‘got-it-all-together-but-haven’t-really’ to belong in His family. We are His hands, His feet, and His mouth-pieces, to reveal to an orphaned world that there is a seat at the table of Christ’s feast waiting for them. You may not have a natural family that you are connected with. But, your church family is also your fictive family where the bonds between brother and sister are stronger than blood ties! 

That according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:16-19

 

Your pastor,

Dr. Andrew Corbett

YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ’EM

YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ’EM

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

Something very unique in human history happened part-way through the twentieth century and it has had a devastating impact on local churches all around the world! The concept of ‘family’ went nuclear. A ‘nuclear’ family (dad, mum, and the kids, living in a house with a white picket fence) somehow became regarded as the family. What made this concept of the family so out-of-step with how nearly all cultures for time-immemorial have viewed what a ‘family’ was, is that this twentieth-century Western concept of family completely dismissed the role that grand-parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even great-grandparents have always played in the universal understanding of family. But there is one and very significant contributor to the concept of ‘family’ often neglected even by those who love their family!

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.
First Timothy 5:4

THE FAMILY-LANGUAGE OF THE BIBLE

Family is so intrinsic to God’s plan for you! It doesn’t matter if you are single, a single-parent, a widow/er, or even an orphan—God’s plan for you is family. You can’t read about God’s plan, the Bible, without realising that it is saturated with family language. God refers to Himself as Someone who is the Ultimate family member.

Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name.
Matthew 6:9

    Not only does God refer to Himself as our Father, Jesus modelled to His followers to call Him Abba (“Daddy”).

And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Mark 14:36

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15

And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”
Galatians 4:6

WHY GOD’S CONCEPT OF FAMILY GOES BEYOND NUCLEAR

For those who have no family, Christianity is not just “good news”—it’s great news! For the fatherless or single-mother or widow, Christianity reveals that God is The family member they need most.

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in His holy habitation.
Psalm 68:5

And Jesus is “the friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24).

Families were always meant to encompass more than just mum and dad and the kids. As I consider this, I realise that one of the disadvantages that Kim and I had in raising our four children was just how far removed they were from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Of course there were always the Christmas and significant birthday family gatherings. But even with these rare gatherings, we were still at a disadvantage. Perhaps this is why when Zoe moved to Melbourne to continue her university studies that she quickly connected with her extended family there. A few months ago, she was quite excited to meet one of my uncles and get somewhat acquainted with her second-cousins. These kind of family connections are invaluable for children because they help them to realise that they are connected to something bigger than themselves and that their concept of family needs to enlarged.

God’s concept of what family is meant to be has always gone way beyond just the nuclear concept. This was powerfully brought home to us when Kim and I became more acquainted with some Queensland friends we had had for a few years. Before they were senior pastors, and not long after they had got married, he was a youth pastor in a sizeable church. Even though they deeply wanted to start their own family, they discovered that it wasn’t to be. One day the senior pastor shared with them how the Department of Health and Human Services had to remove a young teenage girl from a dangerously dysfunctional home and had contacted the church for assistance. The senior pastor asked his youth pastor and his wife if they could help with accommodation for a few weeks for this young girl. Since it was only for a few weeks, they agreed. Little did they realise just how messed up this girl was. She was self-centred, rude, inconsiderate, angry, aggressive, and very defiant. It came to a head one night when she got dressed extremely inappropriately and announced that she was going out on the town.   What resulted was a turning moment in each of their lives. The youth pastor put his foot down and refused to let her go out. It led to a loud and scrappy confrontation. But the youth pastor stood his ground amidst the screaming and the tears. And at the end of the night, this troubled teen came to realise that there was at least one man on the planet who genuinely cared for her. He became the dad she had never had, and his wife became the mum she really needed. God truly does place the lonely in a home (Ps. 68:6). This young girl went onto to give her life to Christ, seek and receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and go on staff at the church where our friends are now the senior pastors. After she gave her life to Christ, she said to our friends, “I commit my life to serve you!” And she meant it. She ended getting married but told her future husband of her commitment to our pastor friends. He said, “Then so will I!” And on that basis, after they were married they both moved into the house where our friends live. Today, some twenty years later, our friends, who thought they would never have children—let alone grand-children—live in their home with this now mother and husband and their two children (who call them grandpa and grandma!).

THE OFTEN MISSING ELEMENT OF GOD’S PLAN FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF FAMILY

¶ That’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what He is building.
Ephesians 2:19 MSG

The New Testament intrinsically links the family of blood relative with the family of blood-bought relatives. This is why the most common adjective for any believer in the New Testament is ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ (notice Scriptures such as 1Cor. 1:10, 7:15).

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?
James 2:15-16

While I said earlier that Kim and I were at a great disadvantage in raising our four children (because they were so far removed from regular contact with their grandparents and uncles and aunties) we have been more than compensated for this loss by belonging to a strong church family. Each of our children have been the beneficiaries of belonging to a local church family where they have had a community of older folk to interact with. But this benefit has had an ongoing beneficial effect on our children. When each of them have got to that age where they could leave home and live independently, they have immediately sought out a local church community to belong to, because they have a counter-cultural understanding of family. 

I heard the story of a youth pastor who struggled to get the children from one particular family to come to youth group. He was deeply impressed with how mature these particular youths were and thought they would make a great contribution to the youth group. He also became puzzled that this family was frequently absent from Sunday worship. When the youth pastor visited their parents, he noticed how incredibly beautiful and tidy their house was. He felt a little intimidated. His own children were less well behaved and organised than these children. As he spoke with the parents and shared his concerns about their irregularity in Sunday worship they responded by saying that they believed it necessary to take time away from church to have “family time” together. The youth pastor thought to himself that perhaps this couple were onto something. He mentally compared his own children with theirs. His children were often loud and boisterous, at times — even unruly — and his home was more often bedlam than this near perfect picture of serenity. The youth pastor left feeling as if these parents were near perfect Christian parents with near perfect children! But what he didn’t know then, but came to realise later, was these parents were unintentionally doing a tremendous dis-service to their children. A few years later when each of these near-perfect children left home to attend College, each of them stopped going to church altogether and ceased identifying as Christians. The youth pastor marvelled at this and felt deeply deeply saddened by it. As it turned out, when his own children grew up and went to College, they immediately connected with a local church (as did nearly all of their friends in that church’s youth group) and became a part of that church family. It seems that these near perfect parents had fallen victim to the narrow and wrong (but all too common among some Christian parents) idea that their nuclear family was the only ‘family’ they and their children needed. 

THE LOCAL CHURCH AS A FAMILY

So intrinsic is the concept of the local church as a family, that the New Testament teaches we are each to treat older men with the same respect we would give to our fathers, older women with the same respect we would treat our mothers, and young women in the church with the same respect we would show our sisters.

¶ Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. ¶ Honor widows who are truly widows.
First Timothy 5:1-3

 When Christians fail to recognise their local church as part of the family that God has placed them in, they miss out — and their church misses out too. With the increasing breakdown of families in our society and the blatant and blithering self-delusional denial by some parents who trick themselves into thinking that their children are not impacted by it, the local church can, should, and will, be the only stable family they ever experience throughout their childhood. But it won’t just be such children who will benefit from this fuller revelation of what family means. We will see those who have gone through the pain of divorce, abandonment, neglect, estrangement, or domestic abuse, also find a solace among their church as their family. Sometimes though, even believers committed to their local church fail to be thankful for how God has connected them into their church family. And perhaps it was this thought that prompted Paul’s great epistle on the church as a family, Colossians, to write-

¶ Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15

 Amen!

Pastor Andrew