Friday, 8 December 2023

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE


Do you like meeting new people and forming new friendships? Some people do. Some don’t. Those that do are usually the ones you see in a social setting (such as a party) who, if they see someone on their own, they feel they should be the one to go over to that person and have a conversation with them. Such people are naturally friendly and seem to make friends quite easily. They find starting conversations with others easier than most and seem to somehow have the knack of making people feel at ease. But these people are rare. In fact, good friends are hard to find these days. However, they may now become less rare if everyone who is unfriendly or friendless reads this short article and discovers how to become a good or even better friend.    

A man who has friends must [first] himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24 NKJV



THE QUALITIES OF A FRIEND

Friends come in different shapes, sizes, ages, and either sex. A friend is someone who knows you and perhaps despite what they know about you they still like you. A friend invests their time, talent, interests, efforts, in getting to know you and along the way they are prepared to help you where they can. They know where you live. They know the date of your birthday. They know where you grew up. They know what book you’re reading at the moment. They know what makes you happy or upset. They share your heartaches and celebrate your triumphs. Importantly, some friends are for seasons that don’t last. Perhaps with this in mind the Sage wrote that family members rather than friends is where we seek and find lasting support:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17

But because families are often scattered beyond their hometown these days, the wisdom of the Sage found in Proverbs 27:10 should also be appreciated.

 

THE ACTS OF A FRIEND 

 Friends have limits. Despite the infinite number of internet memes that declare a true friend will always be there for you the reality is they can’t and probably shouldn’t be. Sure, they may be able to be with you in an emergency moment of crisis, but often times even those moments will be restricted by time, distance, and convenience. Your friends have jobs, families, and appointments to keep that may make it impracticable if not impossible for them to “always be there for you”. More reasonably, a good friend will usually make time to spend time with you. Over time they will have got to know you. This proper use of together-time builds trust and allows trust to grow. This kind of friendship trust enables you to hear hard truths from them about your traits that others might find unacceptable. A friend tells the truth to their friend. A friend can look you in the eye and tell you what you need to hear even though you don’t want to hear it. A friend can open a curtain to parts of your soul that you have not made visible to others. Yet too few people ever experience this kind of deep friendship.

He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.
Proverbs 22:11

FINDING A GOOD TRUE FRIEND

 The average person who lives in a community (unless they are one who lives on a desert island, or deserted island, or by themselves on a dessert island 🙂 ) will generally have up to sixty to seventy-or-so acquaintances. These are people they would wave to and probably have some idea about their name. The average person in that community would also probably have just a handful of people who would be their friends. And statistically maybe just one of those friends would be a close friend. However, it seems to be a modern phenomena that a growing number of people across all ages are experiencing loneliness from having no friend. So I have a few suggestions to solve this friendless (deadly) crisis.

¶ Know your sheep by name; carefully attend to your flocks;
Proverbs 27:23

 

FRIENDLY AS THE STEP TOWARD FRIENDSHIP

If you would have a friend, first show yourself to be friendly. Talk with people. Listen to people. Remember people’s names (when someone introduces themself to you, repeat their name back to them in your response. “Hi, my name is Slabodan.” “Hi Slabodan. Nice to meet you. My name is Annabel-Natasha.”). The next time you meet them, ask them a follow-up question based on your previous meeting. (“How did you go with that job interview?”) Show interest in them with questions. Share your interests. If you haven’t got any — get some! Be interesting! (‘Interesting people have lots of interests.’) In fact, common interests is often a magnet that attracts people into people into a friendship. Note how interesting these young men, Daniel and his three friends, must have been based on Daniel 1:4 – (i) well groomed and well dressed; (ii) highly educated; (iii) hungry to learn; (iv) dignified and polite; and (v) fluent in foreign languages and cultures.



    1. Talk with people you don’t know.
    2. Listen to the stories of people you’re getting to know.
    3. Remember people’s names.
    4. Follow up on information you gained about someone the next time you meet.
    5. Explore what interests a person has.
    6. Share your interests with the person you have just met – make yourself interesting.
    7. Get out your comfort zone every now and again and try something for the first time.  When was the last time you tried something for the first time?

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.
Matthew 11:19

 

YOU HAVE A FRIEND REQUEST

The message of the Gospel is really good news for anyone craving a true friend. The Gospel presents Jesus as the True Friend who “sticks closer than a brother”.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

I’m a very shy person. As anyone who was at my last birthday party could testify, I am not a party-animal. Yet when I read the Gospels though I meet a Jesus who loved to be around ordinary people. He loved parties. If the producers of the Chosen are correct, Jesus loved to eat, drink and dance at parties with His friends.  


And while Jesus was GOD-in-the-flesh; the Lord of Heaven and Earth;, He told His disciples that above all, He was their friend.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.
John 15:15

Jesus is now coronated as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, yet He wants to be your friend. You may feel like you are a nobody. (You and me both.) While we maybe no-bodies, we can know Somebody who knows everybody who calls us His friend – if we have accepted His Friend Request. Will you? 

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

Friday, 1 December 2023

FORMING A TRUE MAN

  Domestic violence, sexual assault, date-rape, sexual trafficking of minors, marital infidelity, street-gang violence, illicit drug abuse, high rates of suicide, increased ‘deaths of despair’, homelessness, are each the major problems confronting our culture right now. Governments regard these issues as matters of justice (punishing offenders) while agencies regard these issues as matters of social justice (helping victims). Both are valuable but neither are equipped or positioned unilaterally to solve the causes of these growing problems, and many in both of these sectors believe that it can never be solved. But I believe they can be. And I need your help. To achieve this, I propose two outrageous, yea – ridiculous – strategies. They are outrageous because they are simple (although not easy); and, they are ridiculous to materialists because they regard them as just fanciful, idealistic and supernatural nonsense. However, I have history on my side. It will involve men and women, young and old. But I particularly need all men to read what I am about to propose and for them to share this with other men and together with everyone else help to bring about the biggest social and cultural revolution our country has ever seen.  



 

WHY TRUE MEN ARE THE SOLUTION AND ARE THE KEY TO THE REVOLUTION

For this much needed revolution to happen it requires the formation of true men.


 You don’t need to be a sociologist to see that there is at least one common thread to most of these societal problems – men behaving badly. We have a crisis of manhood in our society. Prof. Nancy Pearcey’s 2023 book, The Toxic War on Masculinity details why it is reasonable to describe the lack of true men as a crisis. She gives reasons why men are becoming afraid, unsure, and reluctant to be who God created them to be. She draws on good social research to show that men have been duped into being believing that if they act like true men they will be guilty of being “toxic”. Of course this raises the question, what is a true man? Consider this list of traits of a true man which I will contrast with another list of traits of a false man. A True Man is:

Powerful, using his physical strength to be productive and for the benefit of others;

Courageous, he faces up to difficult circumstances and conversations that have to be had;

Fearless, he will take calculated risks and is not afraid to fail when trying something new;

Learning, he may not ‘schooled’ but he has learned how to learn (especially how to communicate);

Problem-solving, he doesn’t give up easily but seeks out solutions to life’s problems;

Committed, he is a man of his word and will finish what he committed to do;

Thoughtful, he values the ideas of the others and seeks out wisdom;

Protective, he is a guardian of the vulnerable; 

Gentle, he is polite and tender in speech, especially toward women and children;

Considerate, he has learned from the natural strengths of women to think empathetically of others;

God-fearing, he has said “I will” to God and is not ashamed to publicly worship God;

Truthful, he is honest and fair in his dealings and conversations with others, and will not comply with the lies of culture.

So Jesus came out, wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe. Pilate said to them, “Behold the man!”
John 19:5

Jesus is the man — the true man. This is why I propose that all men make Jesus the Christ their model of the true man (Matt. 4:1916:24). While the Bible presents several men who were impeccably close to emulating each of the traits, most especially Enoch and Daniel, only the Lord Jesus epitomised each of these twelve qualities of a true man. And since I do not, and neither does or has any other man on the planet, I have to add a thirteenth trait for myself and for all members of our universal brotherhood who would seek to become a true man. This is the trait that God lauded in King David.

And when He had removed Him, He raised up David to be their king, of whom He testified and said, ‘I have found in David the son of Jesse a man after My heart, who will do all My will.’
Acts 13:22

But David was a sinful, fallen man, just like each of us. But he learned the thirteenth trait that qualified him as a man after God’s own heart: how to repent.

¶ Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! ¶ For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in your words and blameless in Your judgment.
Psalm 51:1-4

David learned how to repent by confessing his sin to God and to those he sinned against (Psalm 51) and then discovered the answer to the very thing he sought God for – the cleansing of forgiveness.

¶ Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. ¶ For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah  ¶ I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Psalm 32:1-5

Repentance, and all that it involves (including learning how to apologise to the one/s he has injured with his words), is what every man must learn how to do. When a man sins by yelling in anger at his wife, he should repent. When a man mis-uses his strength to physically harm another person. He should repent. This is the only possible means for a man to become a true man.

¶ Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
First Corinthians 16:13

Can you imagine what our society would look like if more men aspired to become a true man? Can imagine how this would cause women and children to flourish if the men of their lives — their husbands, their fathers, their brothers, their uncles, their beaus – were each striving to be a true man? Can you imagine what homes, marriages, and families would like emotionally, economically, psychologically? Could you dare to imagine what public school classrooms could like? Could you possibly believe what a revolution of true manhood would do to our judicial system including prison populations?

 

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A FALSE MAN

In contrast to a true man, a false man is:

  • Harmful, he harms people with his words and actions;
    .
  • Selfish, he takes care of “Number One” and expects others to also regard him as their “Number One”;
    .
  • Uncaring, he fails to empathise or sympathise;
    .
  • Angry, he blames everyone else for his troubles;
    .
  • Bitter, he is unforgiving and resentful;
    .
  • Childish, he is irresponsible and unreliable and subject to unpredictable tantrums;
    .
  • Untrustworthy, he will lie, exaggerate, deceive, and misrepresent;
    .
  • Lazy, he will procrastinate, waste time on trivialities, and not clean up after himself;
    .
  • Ignorant, he cannot be taught, and has little desire to learn.
  •  

The good news, though, is that it is possible for a false man to be transformed into a becoming-a-true-man. And if I am right, our society has a chance of undergoing one of the biggest cultural revolutions in our nation’s history!

 

THE STRATEGY FOR REVOLUTION

Shortly after arriving in Legana and being invited by the 17 members left in the church to be their pastor, I began to share what God had put on my heart. It seemed ridiculous. I was describing a church of hundreds of people that would grow to have 300 men following Christ and worshiping together each Sunday and filling key roles within out State and Nation. While we have made progress, I thought that I had still years of ministry and work ahead of me to see it all finally fulfilled. But with my diagnosis and the need to step down next year, it seems that I may not live to see this happen. However, as restricted as I am by this incurable condition that is progressing without any way of halting it, I am still committed to getting as close to seeing this vision for our society as fulfilled as I can. If you haven’t already guessed, here is the strategy that I am continuing to employ in order to see more men in our State get a vision of what a true man is and how to strive toward reflecting it:

 Firstly, let’s ensure that our house is in order. I want to be an example of the very thing I am urging all other men to strive toward (1Cor. 11:12Tim. 1:13). I want to make sure that I am the husband, father, uncle, and Grandfather that my family needs me to be. I want to be an example to our church of a man striving to be a true man, and to do all I can to inspire the men of our church to strive toward true manhood.

 Secondly, let’s start young! Let’s raise of generation of boys who are in a community of true men who model the humility required to repent when they fail. Let’s begin to treat 13-year-old boys as young men and expect great things of them and to become increasingly responsible for their words and actions – especially as it relates to their interactions with young ladies.

 Thirdly, let’s welcome broken false men into our community and introduce them to Him who changes hearts, minds and lives, from falsity to truthfulness. This requires having pathways for such men to be introduced to the outskirts of our church community through fishing trips, sporting events, men’s breakfasts, and dinners (especially BBQs) together.

 Fourthly, let’s be a prophetic church that exemplifies the qualities of truthfulness and is prepared to boldly declare the truth of God’s Word about sexuality, sex, marriage, fathering, mothering, and discipling. (I encourage you to check out the Bible Study series our Young Adults are doing at the moment, 5 Cultural Lies about Sex.)

Fifthly, let’s encourage the other pastors and church leaders of our city and our State, to join with us in being the kind of salt and light that Jesus referred to:

¶ “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. ¶ “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5:13-16

It is my hope, that as we see many of the men of our church take their positions in our city, our State, and our nation, as “gate keepers” (Note the use of this term in 2Sam. 19:8) in business, politics, sport, the arts, and Christian ministry, that each of the key indicators referred to in my opening sentence of this article will become measurably and dramatically improved. As I said in my opening paragraph, the reason I have great confidence that it can is derived from my study of history. I read about it in the Book of Acts. I read about it in the annuls of ancient Christian history. And I recently read about it happening in Prof. Stuart Piggin’s two volume masterpiece, The Fountain of Public History, where Australia’s leading historian documents example after example where Australia has previously experienced such glimpses of the type of socio-cultural revolution I have been referring to. And this is where we all need to play a part. Prof. Piggin has convincingly demonstrated that it was when God’s people united in prayer and action that God has most often moved in ‘revival’. And perhaps the most obvious and inspirational aspect of this account of Australia’s history is that nearly three chapters of his great tome has been spent on how Tasmania was particularly blessed by such glimpses of revival. Now the time for revival glimpses is over! Now it’s time for a sacred revolution that will transform our culture over the course of the next 40 years and sow the seeds for prolonged revival glimpses for centuries to come! 

“I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in His ways and keeping His statutes, His commandments, His rules, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn
First Kings 2:2-3

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

Friday, 24 November 2023

WHEN WE MISH EAR

WHEN WE MISH EAR

 I recently had a lady speak to me about her husband’s hearing. She was concerned for husband’s constant denial that he was getting old. Despite the obvious evidence to support her concern, he refused to accept that he was ‘not as young as he used to be’. But the evidence of his ageing was mounting! His exasperated wife had been urging him for months to get his hearing checked. When they both came and saw me and she once again related her concerns, but he laughed them all off. He then assured me that his hearing wasn’t really a problem, instead, the problem was that most people have not been taught to speak clearly. “They mumble!” he said. To illustrate just how common mumbling had become he told me of several recent examples.

One of these examples involved waiting for a ride-share. As was his habit, he was a good 15 minute earlier than the agreed time (because he always took pride in his punctuality, he told me.) He had taken his position at the agreed pick-up location. When the driver arrived, she called out, “Are you ready?” 

“Yes” he replied, and promptly got in the vehicle.

 As the driver took off and a few minutes into their voyage he noticed that the car was taking a completely different route than the one he  would ordinarily expect. He didn’t want to question the driver’s navigational abilities but was becoming concerned. He made some vague enquiry about where they were going – to which the driver said, “That’s not where we’re going!”

“Then why did you call to me and ask if I was ready?”

“I didn’t! I called out, ‘Are you Mr. Reedy?’”

The driver then turned around to return the gentleman and collected the waiting Mr. Reedy who was surprised that his ride was later than usual.

As the gentleman told me this recent anecdote (and several other similar ones), I looked him in the eye and said,“I think you need to get some hearing aids!”


 Perhaps I was a little unfair to this gentleman though, because it is a well established fact that all men are born with selective hearing (as every wife can testify to) and perhaps this may sometimes spill over into incidents such as the one I just recounted(?). But I also suspect that some women have a similar deficiency.

A few years ago the kids and I were a little concerned about Kim’s hearing difficulties. As it turned out, one day outside a shopping centre that we had just arrived at, there was a government sponsored mobile hearing clinic. We urged the reluctant Kim to go in and have her hearing checked. Much to the utter shock of myself and our children the clinician told Kim that she had “perfect hearing”! This then proved that even women may be able to imitate the innate ability of a man to produce selective hearing :). Therefore, there is a high likelihood that both men and women are equally subject to hearing difficulties.

The problem with any hearing difficulties is that it inevitably leads to the far more serious problem of misunderstanding. Misunderstanding is at the heart of nearly every relationship problem that anyone will ever face. Misunderstandings due to mis-hearing or mis-communication frequently leads to disputes that if not handled correctly, which it is mostly not, is likely to lead to relationship breakdowns. But there is a different – almost secretive – way to deal with misunderstandings. Let me explain by using several pictures that will make my point. 


Do you see an old woman or a young woman?

Do you see a vase or two people facing each other?



Both of these pictures illustrate what is often at the heart of mis-hearing, mis-communication, and misunderstanding. Both of these pictures have two different perspectives. They illustrate that what happens with mis-hearing and mis-communication is often a clash of perspectives. The solution might begin with acquiring hearing-aids, but more importantly it can be resolved by seeking first to understand the other person, before seeking to be understood. Interestingly, the Bible’s closing book challenges its readers to use their “ears” to listen carefully (Rev. 2:71117293:6132213:9). Listening carefully does not come naturally; neither does it come easily. It requires patience, conversation, and enquiry. It may even take a little bit of humility to ensure that we don’t mish-ear someone who was actually saying “mis-hear”. And, it may also mean that instead jumping into the first car that pulls up – especially if your surname is Reedy – your enquire, “Sorry, did you ask ‘Are you ready?’ or did you ask, ‘Are you Mr. Reedy?’”  And if you follow this principle in your most important relationships you may avoid a whole lot of grief and discover that there’s often a different perspective that you may not have been aware of.

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.